Under the Brogue

J: So apparently the end of this film was a departure from the book.

M: Huh.

J: According to the article I read, the guy gave props for the visuals but was like, "But we didn't know what was going on, ever."

M: Like, "Hey director, great job with the pretty pictures, but maybe do documentaries in the future. Nature pics. Maybe stick to facts."

J: Precisely. So. Blog With a Brogue went to the movies again.

M: Worst. Idea. Ever.

J: In effect, BWAB made a terrible mistake.

[Meredith returns with two Moscow Mules, ten-minute discussion about Russia ensues]

M: You know, I think I'd really like to go to St. Petersburg.

J: I've heard good things. So do you want to do our opener? Our third opener?

M: [silence]

J: [sighs] Do you want to say something about the movie?

M: Yes. I feel like I really gave this movie a chance. I gave it the benefit of the doubt, right from the get-go. It started off kind of interesting, and then after everything was said and done, I just... it's not even that I'm disappointed. It's just that I don't even care. At all.

J: This movie is getting actual award buzz. I'm shocked.

M: That being said, there really were some amazing pictures. It was really beautiful at times, and I loved the really, sort of, candid driving scenes. It seemed natural and intriguing, which made the let-down of the film itself that much worse.

J: I totally agree. I was willing, maybe through the first half, to believe that the film was going to resolve itself somehow, to give us some reason for having witnessed such odd, confusing scenes. But it didn't. It just ended.

M: It did.

No Scotch for you.

J: I do want to give you props for even suggesting this movie, which I wanted to see based on the tag-line I read online, something something science fiction voluptuous temptress, etc.

M: All I read was alien, something across the Scottish countryside. That was literally all I knew.

J: I didn't even know Scarlett Johansson was in it. And I almost take offense at the term voluptuous. It seemed unnecessary, except to attract the type of attendee who just wanted to see someone naked in public.

M: It wasn't all a loss, though. We did both instantly recognize the kid from the Scotch movie (The Angel's Share), and he was probably my favorite character in the whole movie.

J: Yeah! No... I liked the guy who took her in, who tried to give her a chance at normalcy. It wasn't his fault she had no idea what female anatomy was.

M: Spoiler alert!

J: It's a great scene. You should really not check it out.

M: And the brogues. We've got to talk about the brogues. I could not understand a good 80% of the dialogue in this film due to the brogue.

ScarJo reaches rural Scotland.

J: What little dialogue there was! It was mostly silence, creepy violin music, and nakedness. Every once in awhile someone would talk. And that someone was usually Scottish. And it was more or less impossible to follow.

M: Did ScarJo kind of do an accent?

J: She did a British accent.

M: It wasn't distracting, which is saying a lot.

J: Doesn't she do that one in a different movie? Not Match Point, but...

M: I love Match Point.

J: Was she in Closer?

M: No, that was Natalie Portman and Julia Roberts. Also love that movie. Can we watch a Clive Owen movie?

J: Then I'm not sure what I'm thinking of, but I know she's done it before. In any case, she was the only one you could understand, but she's the only person whose actions didn't make sense.

M: Exactly. Only verbally.

But... but what?

J: Oh! The motorcycle guys!

M: Who the hell were they?

J: Right?! Another mystery.

M: One of many.

J: I just wanted to know more. I kept thinking that it was like modern art. Totally incomprehensible unless you know the backstory. Once you do, it's sort of brilliant, but until that point, it's just a toilet.

M: Way to elevate BWAB! [polite applause]

J: I do what I can.

M: I had like, two more things I wanted to say. Oh, one. Though he's well on the way, Glazer (the director) is no Terrance Malick. And second. Secondly. [shrugs] I would really like to go to Scotland, like a lot. It looks amazing.

J: It was certainly one of the best parts of my study abroad experience, and I would love to go back. The scenery is unbelievable.

Swooshy trees. And ScarJo.

M: Exactly. The pictures were beautiful. It's not like it was poorly directed, it's just.... To go back to Malick, with something like the Tree of Life, it is abstract and maybe a bit meandering, but you have enough storyline and themes. It's like a very beautiful open-ended question. It's thought-provoking. You get something out of it. Not so much with this one.

J: I love that. And having not seen any Terrance Malick, I sort of understand now what Glazer was probably trying to go for. But he didn't give us nearly enough context. All the main themes that were presented, empathy, coming of age, sexual assault, etc., they're not new. And this take didn't bring anything new to them. Just because she's an alien doesn't mean she's teaching us anything about what it is to be human. And isn't that what aliens are for in fiction?

M: An excellent point. And, I mean, I don't know if he's really going for something Malick-esque, that's just something that it reminded me of, with my limited knowledge of cinema. Did I tell you that I saw Close Encounters of the Third Kind just this week?

J: I don't think I've ever seen it.

M: Really?!

J: Yeah.

M: It's pretty good. It's kind of hokey. It's Spielberg. I probably would have loved it as as child.

Such orange. So face.

J: I think I started it on Netflix once and didn't get very far.

M: It's like E.T. for adults.

J: I bet he woke up one morning and thought, "You know what I should do..."

M: But it was before E.T.

J: Damn.

M: It's the vodka talking.

J: The other way around then.

M: [laughs]

J: So the moral of this post is...

M: That E.T. is a great movie.

J: And that should you stumble across a beautiful woman driving a giant white van, under no circumstances should you take your clothes off.

M: Ugh. That movie.

ScarJo phone home.