S: Why is he wearing a stupid hat? He's so attractive, why is he wearing a hat like that?
M: I think he wears jean shorts at one time, too.
S: Jorts? No.
M: It's such a bad hat. Also, I'm not entirely convinced that Matthew Rhys even likes wine.
S: That's the best part ever.
M: Right? Like, give that man a beer.
J: So we watched a move. Called Kingsmen. And I liked it.
M: We did. But Kingsman.
S: Are you sure?
M: Yes, because it's bothered me this whole time.
S: But there's multiple men.
M: I know.
S: I may or may not have lied to Kyle about the movie we've been watching.
J: But really I liked it. Mostly Colin Firth. And the sexy shoes.
S: He's so dreamy.
|"...and that's where babies come from."|
M: I know, right?!
S: I'm so enthralled by this show, I can't stop watching.
J: So Kingsman. Let's talk about the brogues!
M: I'll turn it down. [Turns down volume on The Wine Show]
S: Let's talk about the brogues. Wait, those guys are teenagers. What's happening? What are they doing with their hands? Does anyone ever die in this show?
M: I don't think so.
S: That's disappointing.
M: Aw, it's a sunset shot. With the Matthews. Also, can I just say...
M: I love Matthew Goode... next... as much as the next Matthew-loving person. However, why, does Mary, on Downton Abbey, end up with his character?
J: [screams] No!
S: Why are you getting so upset about this? Did you need us to warn you before we talked about the end of the 3-year old show?
J: [screams] No!
S: If only Dan Stevens had not decided to leave the show.
|"And with this handshake, I thee wed."|
S: Seriously. Can I just say that watching the English Premier League and watching English shows just makes me want to move to London? Why is that. I don't even like big cities.
M: Let's all move to Brighton!
"It's very stylish and elegant."
S: Or we could just move to Liverpool.
J: I really liked Kingsman.
S: Oh, are we talking about the movie now?
J: Well, I think it's worth mention as this is a post in its honor.
S: Fine. You're such, like a... stick-in-the-mud.
J: Whatever. Colin Firth and I are going to have beautiful British spy-babies.
S: Did you know that he has children who are in their teens? Their like, late teens? I believe. He's much older than you would imagine him being.
|This is the British Hunger Games.|
S: He seems so spry! Plus he jumped into that pond fully clothed. In Pride and Prejudice.
M: I was just going to say...
S: It was 30+ years ago.
M: You were the one with the Pride and Prejudice drinking game, right?
S: Yes. It's impossible to finish in one night.
M: I'd like to try.
J: So what would we like to say about Kingsman?
S: So I liked Kingsman, generally, but I did not like the ending. I thought it was a very disappointing ending?
S: It was very unfulfilling. You were left with a feeling of Colin Firth being dead, which is always unfulfilling. And the main character, for lack of a better word, f*cking...
M: I was gonna say shagging, because this is a British blog...
S: ...in the back door! Which is like... what princess is like... that seems particularly unrealistic. Who starts a relationship like that?
S: I don't even care if it's just a sexual thing, no one is ever like, I just want you to f*ck me in the back door. I mean, I might be crazy, but...
M: To be fair, I also hated the ending, but, I think it was just supposed to be a tribute to terrible James Bond tropes.
S: True, but none of those women were like, "visit my backdoor..."
M: That was next-level.
S; Where did the Matthews go? Why are they not here?
M: So there's Joe. And... Amelia? Do I get a prize for that? [head explodes]
J: I also hated the ending, I thought it was a departure from the film's main tropes, which were, in fact, in praise of the British gentleman. not that gentleman don't do it "in the back door" so-to-speak, but alluding to it in a silly spy film seems a bit over-the-top. Though, this isn't entirely just a "silly spy film."
M: It isn't?
J: I mean, it's kind of violent?
M: I thought we also all agreed that gentlemanly-ness is a dangerous terminology.
J: Very true. There is a female spy candidate, one of two, and she ends up playing a very paltry role in the final sequence, which is bizarre, because she's the one who ultimately wins the candidacy.
|"Mother-f*cking spies on a mother-f*cking plane!"|
M: Also, it just occurred to me while watching it, that she's definitely a character that could have been of a different race but not. I know it's a British movie, but there are a lot of British people of different races. She didn't have to be blonde.
S: Yeah! It's even more acceptable there.
J: It's absolutely true. Spies are white, apparently.
M: I notice that with movies so much. How much races are interchangeable, but aren't. Samuel L. Jackson is one of... two? black people in the movie.
J: So we liked the movie, except for the ending and the lack of diversity...
M: An old, old wooden ship...
J: But the plot was reasonably relevant and clever and I really liked the fight sequences.
M: They were quite... graphic.
J: They were, and seemed less so this viewing, which perhaps isn't a good thing, but the nuance and choreography involved were impressive.
M: [nods] Also, brogues. You had a wide spread of brogues. Colin Firth, very posh and proper, Eggsy, very...
S: Very street-wise, like an east-ender, probably.
M: And then, Merlin, was that Scottish? Ish?
M: Northern England?
J: I really don't know what he was going for, but it was a bit odd. I didn't quite trust him throughout the movie, but evidently for no good reason. I'm just a cynical bastard these days. #thankstrump
M: Also shoes with brogues.
J: "Oxford, not brogues!"
M: [nods] They seemed down on brogues, brogueing. I don't know enough to know why, but...
J: I don't know enough to spell it correctly, apparently. Wait, that's right! We've gotta wrap this up, things are getting sh*tty...
M: Um... uh... we should close by saying that we were planning to watch the sequel, coming out soon. [shrugs] Kingsmen?
"Knock me down with a feather!"
J: BWAB will be heading to the movies soon!
M: Speaking of sequels! If there is a Series 2 of The Wine Show, I will watch that so hard.