Friday, October 9, 2015


M2: [whispers] Billie!

Billie (the kitten): [scuffles about]

M: [eats popcorn contentedly] Oh god!

B: [jumps up on the table]

M2: Don't eat the pizza! It's a simple rule.

M: I am not content!

J: Well your cat is. [shoves handful of popcorn into mouth]

M: [boops Billie's nose with finger]

M2: She's now addicted to salt.

M: Just like me... [sees Jenna typing] I told you I wasn't ready yet!

J: [types anyway] So this one might've been my fault.

M: I feel like we need music or something. The silence is scaring me. [attempts to turn on music]

M2: [chuckles] [sighs] [laughs out loud] Remotes are hard.

M: Stop laughing at me! [turns on radio]

M2: [laughs harder]

M: Stop! Why are you still laughing? This is terrible, we haven't even talked about the movie!

[Uptown Funk playing]

J: Well what would you like to say about Laggies?

What does it all mean though? And why aren't you Sam?
M: Laggies. I would like to say that Laggies is a terrible title for a movie, and that it was clearly a movie written by Brits for, no, for, yes, written by Brits for Brits about America.

J: Judging by the title alone, I completely agree. Having watched the movie with you, I also totally agree. This was a strange, strange movie, full of scenarios that would probably never ever happen in real life, but certainly happen in British imaginations of American adolescence.

M: The Brits have quite an imagination.

J: That they do. The basic plot of this movie involves Kiera Knightly as a twenty-something has-been...

M: Would you really call her a has-been? As opposed to a never-was? Or a hasn't-been-yet?

J: That's fair. The point is that she isn't at the point in her life that her friends are, and that makes her seem, as a character....

M: Laggy? Lagging?
This movie really doesn't make any sense.

J: Whatever the title is trying to imply. I still don't know.

M: Her friends are terrible.

J: Well, and they're supposed to be!

M: Kimmy Schmidt's character was so confusing though.

J: I thought they all were. They were supposed to be "the successful ones" and the ones who "had their shit together," but they just seemed like pretentious assholes.

M: Mmhmm. And inconsistent at best!

J: Truly. They were terrible friends, despite all knowing each other "forever."

M: Right?! you'd think it wouldn't be such a surprise that their British friend was a little "laggy." Or their friend with a British accent who was trying to sound American. Ow! Billie!! She just attacked my bra strap.

[Taylor Swift's "Wildest Dreams" plays]
Ahh, thank god. There you are.

M: I like that it's just his clothes in her room.

J: Right? This movie though. It was totally dying until Sam Rockwell showed up.

M: True story. I feel like all our lives are really just waiting for Sam Rockwell to show up.

J: One can only hope that Sam Rockwell will actually show up someday. [prays] Really though, Kiera Knightly is the only one who makes this remotely BWAB-able, and she plays an American. Not terribly well, but she does try her hardest. And maybe she's supposed to be super annoying, but maybe not.

M: I was gonna say... her accent's not that bad... but by the nature of her voice, or just from her trying to hide her accent, she just sounded so squeaky. Grating?

J: It was certainly obvious, whatever it was.

M: Ow! Billie. You're killing me. Yeah. You gotta go. Don't take the pillow with you.

J: I still don't know, technically, what "laggie" means. Other than "lags behind others." Which is supposed to be the theme of this movie, but really it just seemed like someone was finally taking control of her life, which is important and can happen at any point, no matter how "adult" or "juvenile" one may seem.

M: What I wanna know is, why was it "laggies" plural. 'Cause everyone else seemed to be doing alright.

J: That's a really good f*cking point. And I have no good answer.
You're our spirit animal, Kiera.

M: [claps at Matt] It's not even 10 o'clock yet. Look alive.

M2: They're all laggies.

J: But why? Also, let's take a moment to recognize what an important weekend this is.

M: Oh yeah! I forgot again.

[indefinite pause while Billie plays]

J: Well? What is it?

M: [scrolls on phone] [holds up finger] It is BWAB's fourth? Birthday?

J: I'm almost positive it's the fourth.

M: I guess we could check. On the blog.

[BWAB checks]

J: Yep! It's our fourth anniversary. I know, I know, you're all shocked. Maybe next year we'll do something really special.

M: I'm just impressed we remembered this year.

J: That was all you.
But seriously, have you seen Old School?!

M: I feel like the guy that forgets his birthday... what is that from? Is that Anchorman? No. It's Old School. Still Will Ferrell. I love Old School.

J: Yeah... it's great... so Laggies...

M: Have you even seen Old School? It's a really great movie.

J: Like once? Probably?

M: I wouldn't say it's Luke Wilson's best movie, but I would say it's one of my favorite characters that he's played.

J: Very fair. What I need to know now is do you want to say anything else about either Laggies or our fourth anniversary? I still think this is weirdest, least-related title of any movie we've watched.

M: I would not disagree with that. I kept waiting for it to come around or be more apparent. Or maybe they just assumed it was already obvious if you're someone that uses the term "laggie"?

J: Matt looked it up, and apparently in Britain this movie was released with the title Say When, which still doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but makes more sense than Laggies.

We've all been there. Right? Right guys?
M: It seems totally flip-flopped. However, ahh, I don't really know how Say When makes that much more sense.

J: Exactly. It's like they tried to portray American twenty-somethings based on stereotype alone and surprise! It didn't work. Not that our movies do much better, this was just particularly obvious.

M: [nods] [looks at Billie] My back still hurts, Miss!

B: [appears unaffected]

J: So that about sums it up, yeah?

M: I daresay so.

J: Anything else BWAB should know?

M: Hopefully it won't be three months before our next post, but I make no promises!

J: Same. Totally same. We love you guys. [drinks more]

Friday, July 17, 2015

The Quiet Brogue

M2: [plays Bob Seger on guitar] [sings] She's a little too tall!

M: He! He's a little too tall!

L: I'll be right back, I have the lyrics on my phone. Don't ask me why.

M2: [hands over album]  The lyrics to Night Moves should be right there.

J: You're both wrong. "I was a little too tall."

M: He doesn't really enunciate. And I was talking about him! He is a little too tall.

J: So we're trying to blog about The Quiet Hour. But mostly we're singing Bob Seger.

[20 minute discussion about Bob Seger and who the members of the Silver Bullet band actually look like.]

M: [hands over glass of champagne]

J: The Quiet Hour!

M: The Quiet Hour. I whispered that. 

M2: [shows Rod Stewart album cover]

The main character. I don't remember her name. 
M: Aw! 

M2: There's a lot of songs about "you". You're Insane, You're in My Heart...

J: Ahem!

M: So! We went to The Free State Festival. Jenna will link it. 

J: I paid the nice lady some extra money to give me ALL the wine. So I only sort of remember this movie.

M: She was a nice lady. And I just want to say... shout out to the Free State Festival. That was my first time attending any events this year. I attended three. They were all excellent.

J: I think that was the only one I made it to, and it was too cool. Can't wait for next year. So what'd you think of the movie?

M: Um. If I'm being honest, it was not my favorite. I had high hopes and it was... it was substantially compelling. It seemed, and I always hate this compliment, somebody gave me the compliment once of being "well-rendered". 

J: That seems accurate. Personally, I liked the storyline. That being said, I think I would have appreciated more action. It was definitely moving in a good direction, and then it just seemed like it was over before anything happened.

M: Yes. I feel like I've seen that movie before, just with a different premise.

The other main character. Le stranger.
J: It certainly wasn't original. Your basic human survivalist scenario. Wasn't it really similar in...

M: Retreat?

J: That's exactly what I was going to say! The plot... well, the basics... were definitely similar. How does a person react in worst case scenario with one ally. 

M: But no Cillian Murphy in this one, which is an automatic [gestures incoherently] you know [gestures again] ding, for me.

J: In any case, I would recommend this, though I think Mere would not, but either way, lovely brogue, interesting ideas, and a tidy plot.

M: And it's really not the worst. I mean, I watched the whole thing.

J: We were at the theater.

M: And it has some local ties! It won something at the Kansas City Film Festival. And that's when I learned, Kansas City has a film festival.

J: Go Kansas City!

M: Can we brogue the next movie?

These people. They're gross.
J: There's another movie?

M: Well, the one we're gonna go see.

J: We're about to go see Trainwreck, folks... pretty sure that's a no... [checks IMDB]... the dogwalker... DANIEL RADCLIFFE! We can blog it! I'm so excited.

M: Let's do it! [raises glass] With faux enthusiasm.

J: Till next time!

Ex Broguina

[X-Files plays in the background]

M: Oh. My God. That is not a bat! Ugh! Or is it... rawr!

M2: Dogget's done gonna drown. Just pull Dogget on out of the river.

J: Soooo we're blogging now...

M: Hang on, I have to burp. [burps loudly] 'Scuse me!

J: What movie should we talk about first?

M: [dies laughing at X-Files]

J: We'll talk about Ex Machina.

M: Okay I'm ready now.

J: We were VERY excited to see this movie.

M: We were!

Surprisingly, NOT the guy from 10 Things I Hate About You.
J: Mere mostly wanted to see it because of... oh...

M: You only get to write it if you can remember his name.

J: Ah... [pauses] I can do this...

M: We can come back to it. It'll come to you.

J: Dammit. Oscar Isaac!!

M: There it is! So the movie...

J: Was dark. And gritty. And intense. Well, not so much gritty as intense. It was really quite beautiful.

I think you might be the droid I'm looking for.
M: [nods] [munches carrot] I concur. Very beautiful.

J: He was really the only brogue-able one, right?

M: Oscar Isaac? No. Domhnall Gleeson was. Oscar Isaac's Guatemalan.

J: Riiiiight, right right. No one technically had an accent, though.

M: Yeah. Right. Ahh, he played an American and very well, I thought. I only noticed the one slip-up, where he said he was "in hospital."

J: And I missed that totally, because I apparently was so engrossed by the movie. Or gullible. One of the two.

Norway. Not Argentina. Norway.
M: In your defense, the movie was quite captivating. And disturbing.

J: Mostly disturbing. The entire movie was one crazy mind game. And featured pretty much only three characters in one setting. Unbelievable.

M: It gave it that good theatrical quality.

J: It really did. I could imagine it on a stage for sure, but the place they chose was perfect.

M: Was it South America? I think it was Argentina or something.

J: Would you recommend this movie?

"Tell me more about how you were in hospital."
M: I would. I would recommend it to anyone who's a fan of sci-fi. It's maybe something that's sort of been done before, but it was an interesting take on it.

J: And much more open-ended in its implications. This really was a pretty fantastically pure artificial intelligence storyline.

M: It didn't feel that heavy-handed, either. Like you said, open-ended.

J: There was a lot to think about, and the AI wasn't even the most disturbing part.

M: [laughs] I did do that.

J: Truly, though, a really thought-provoking film.

"Smell it!"
M: Speaking of thought-provoking! Our blogs are so much more coherent when we've not been drinking for several... ah... minutes... ah... beforehand.

J: I'd like to point out that we tried to blog two weeks ago, but some UVBLU got in the way. Hard.

M: Real hard.

J: Kitchen floor hard.

M: [laughs]

J: Don't we have something else to talk about?

M: We should do a new post.

J: Right-o! Be right back!
Y-M-C-A! It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A!

The Tall Brogue

M: I'm confused. Oh! Okay. I see what you're doing. But see then people are gonna listen and try to read at the same time, and maybe you miss a word or you misquote me, worst of all, and I just, our fans might get really upset! Is that not a concern?

J: First of all, I rarely miss a word. I'm pretty good.

M: I was just going to compliment you on that. I'm amazed that you're keeping up. There is a little bit of a lag. I just had to say it. I'm not judging, obviously.

J: Okay, so the typos are, uh really going for it tonight.

M: I think you should just leave them in, so people should see visually, as well as hear what you were up against. With all my stuttering and stopping.

J: Also, I have bandaids on two fingers. This is kind of hard.

M: So we watched a movie. It was an old movie. It was a movie I'd never heard of. And it had an alien Jeff Goldblum from an era... didn't even look like Jeff Goldblum. I twas like, ah, see now I'm distracted by you correcting typos, this is terrible.

J: So this movie was one of Jeff's earliest films I swear. I think we looked it up and it was '89? Yeah, that sounds right. Super early. And not only was he just completely weird looking, he was also a terrible actor.

M: Are we going to talk about the sweaters? Because those were amazing.

J; HIs outfits just continued to get worse and worse.

M: Or more amazing, depending on your preference.

J: The worst part is that Emma Thompson was also in this. And I love her. And her character was great for like, 95% of this movie.

How, uh, did you leave the house like that?
M: So I had some really deep thoughts about this earlier today at work. I was thinking about her character and how bizarre she is, and it reminded me of the discussion in Gone Girl, about the cool girl. And part of me still gets really mad and defensive about the cool girl think. Because it's like, bas much as anything, it assumes that a girl is supposed to be some sort of way or some sort of thing and that she's weird or false or whatever if she actually claims to like something that the other concept of girl is not supposed to like. This sounded better before I started drinking. Back to this Emma Thompson character! I felt like she was kind of a cool girl just in the sense that she didn't make a lot sense to me as a character or as a human being, she was just a little erratic.

J: So I think we're getting to the end when Emma makes a decision that you or I would probably not have made. Jeff Goldblum cheats. Cheats on Emma Thompson. And it's terrible. He gives this impassioned speech in front of an entire ER full of people who should be working...

M: Saving lives...

J: And she forgives him.

M: Inexplicably. It wasn't even a good speech. It wasn't even a bad speech. It was awful.  He didn't even like toss her a compliment. There's just nothing.

J: So we really hated this movie by then end.

M: By the end. The sweaters, though. Amazing. Like the first 10 minutes of the movie I think that was all we could talk about. His fabulous attire.

J: I will also say that the haircut he has on the cover... never happens. I was so sad.

I just had the most ridiculous sex of my life.
M: He looks like sportscaster Jeff Golblum on the cover with his giant tan suit. It's amazing.

J: What else... the sex scene?

M: Oh god...

J; No it was that bad. Just overdone and unrealistic.

M: You said something while we were watching it...

J: Wasn't this written by someone who's really famous in the rom-com world?

M: Maybe? Or directed? I can't remember.

J: Like Nora Efron? I could have sworn.

M: Surely not. Did we talk about the brogues? I guess we mentioned Emma Thompson, who's wonderful otherwise, just not so much in this movie. I mean, she plays the character well, it's just a stupid character, in my opinion.

J: I agree.

M: I mean maybe for the time, she would've been interesting and different and very opinionated.

J: She did put him off for awhile.

M: She did. It was all very "her terms or no terms" kinda thing, which was cool. Is that a thing?

I'm totally in this movie, you twats.
J: It's a thing now. And that's what made it all the more disappointing when she flaked at the end. I was sad.

M: Oh Mr. Bean's in this! I almost forgot that. He's, uh, not very lovable.

J; He's a snarky magician or something.

M: He's a performer of some sort.

J: He's snarky, whatever he is.

M: There were some fun shots of London though. Wasn't it in London?

J: There were a lot of bicycle scenes.

M: He rides his bike through town at night and looks kinda cool.

J: The acting was just bad though.

M: Yeah, I mean it was close.

J: NO it wasn't!

M: Yeah. I liked the title. I liked how that fit in with things.

J: It was all about him.

M: Tell me about it!

J: I loved the break-up scene.

M: That was awesome.

J: She just intuits that he's cheated and calmly packs up her stuff and leaves. And he's dumbfounded. Obviously.

And that's how we feel about this movie.
M: Yep.

J: And then to come back from that and get back together... blah. I mean, yay rom-com...

M: Boo....

J: So that's The Tall Guy. Next up...

M; See it, don't see it... Jeff Goldblum...

J: I say give this one a pass. But don't miss...

M: The sweaters!

J: No. Not the sweaters. They can watch the trailer.

M; Yeah, that would pretty much be all you need to see. [dances]

J: We'll link the trailer at the end.

M: Well! Next, we're going to the theater, in like 10 minutes, and we're gonna see Ex Machina.

J: What about Tinker Bell?

M: Oh my god, we did watch Tinker Bell. We had the pleasure of doing a little babysitting earlier tonight with my awesome niece and we watched a fabulous film called  The Secret of the Wings starring none other than Tinker Bell. Shockingly, not only was none other than Angelica Houston one of the cast members, but James Bond, Mr. Timothy Dalton had quite a role in the film. We grew quite invested, honestly. I'd recommend it, actually.

J: It was... kinda good... I feel bad about saying that. Not the worst made-for-Netflix movie I've ever seen. And not the worst messages for kids, actually.

M: Working together, saving the forest, protecting your wings... sisters...

J: If you have one... which is apparently is really rare in fairy world...

M: Something about being born from the same laugh?! I missed that part.

J: It's a Peter Pan thing.

M: Well... [makes wrap it up sign]

BWAB... uh... finds a way...
J: Let us know what you think about this duel format.

M: I think there's gonna be a little bit of lag in the recording. Also let us know if you heard this at all. Or if you read this. Or accidentally ended up on this website, somehow.

J: We'd love to hear from you.

M: And if you did I'm sorry but welcome.

J: And that about does it!

M: Goodbye!!!!

Sunday, April 19, 2015

BWAB Goes South: What We Brogue in the Shadows

J: A note to our readers. Vodka through a straw is not a great idea.

M: [laughs]

J: Blech. I mean really. 

M: God, I'm not used to the typing.

J: I know! We're going old-school today, blogging from none other than The Pig on a lovely (rainy) Sunday afternoon. Again though, shots from a straw, not a great idea. Ouch.

M: [sips Bloody Mary]

J: That's the ticket! Today BWAB is offering you a special treat, a blog that is NOT about a movie from England, Scotland, Wales, Ireland, or Northern Ireland. 

M: Or the Isle of Man.

J: Does that still count? I really didn't know that was a country.

M: It is very much a country, and I think we should try to find a movie from there.

J: Given the rule-bending that's about to occur (get excited), I really think we should. Something to bring us back to our Atlantic roots.

M: [nods appreciatively]

J: Our post today hails from the land of the Kiwi, New Zealand. I wanted to title this post, "BWAB Goes (Further) South" etc., but I got caught up in the difference between the further/farther semantics. Either way it would be wrong.
That face tho.

M: [coughs] [taps chest]

J: Yeah, let's get this done.

M: The pepper...

J: Oh, it was the real drink!

M: A drink made by a real bartender.

J: [sips vodka from straw] [makes face] [sips Bellini]

M: I was missing this old school style, but now I'm kind of missing the podcast.

J: I was just hitting my stride! But really, the podcast is fun too. I think we should combine the two in some fancy creative way.

M: I thought that said fancy cream at first. [laughs]

J: Podcast cre... nope, can't go there.

M: "Combine them in some fancy cream!" Delicious.

J: BUT ANYWAY, we're here to blog about What We Do in the Shadows, which was an unbelievably funny and weirdly relatable docu-dramedy about vampires and werewolves in New Zealand.
On Fridays we go clubbin'.

M: Can I just say, first of all, that I love that you found it weirdly relatable. I don't disagree... but I just wanted to point that out.

J: I meeeeeean, there's the loner outsider, the apartment life, uhhh... maybe that's it.

M: Someone mentions Twilight


M: But yes, in addition to being weirdly relatable, it was a hilarious effort from the creators or producers of Flight of the Concords, a show I had not seen until recently.

J: I think they were both creators and producers... or maybe it was writers and actors... 

M: Friends and family?

J: I'm sure all of the above. I also just saw Flight of the Concords recently. I'd seen snippets before, but the episodes are really great. Super dry humor, utter sincerity, songs...

M: Yes, hilariously brilliant songs.

J: I'm not a huuuuge fan of the docu-anything format, so this movie lost me a little there, but the characters were truly inspired. Even Stu, who played, in effect, his real self.

Stu shows Viago the internet for the first time.
M: That's so great.

J: They literally found an awkward IT guy named Stu and had him play an awkward IT guy named Stu, who nonetheless befriends an entire city of undead/otherwise supernatural individuals. Individuals who are undead/otherwise supernatural? People-first language. It's important.

M: I was going to say "supernaturalized people," but I think that's something entirely different.

J: [snorts] I don't even know where to start with that one. Supernatural fans?

M: In any case... they brought much of the charm of the FotC show, as well as a lot of other hilarious New Zealanders I had not previously heard of, to this film. Does that make sense?

J: Almost... charm and New Zealanders... all from FotC! 

M: No... not really...

J: Charm from FotC... and New Zealanders!

M: There it is!

J: It's true, at least two of the main characters were regulars in FotC, and another couple were stand up comedians in their own right. All together, it made for a really dynamic cast. The original draw for me was the idea of modern-day vampires living together and dealing with the same sorts of issues we all deal with from time to time, like disruptive or rowdy roommates, exes, the works. For some reason this hasn't really come up in the American portrayal of vampires. They're always "other" or somehow "apart" from society, even in Twilight, which I totally have not seen a bunch of times.

M: I mean, if you think about it though, what is the Twilight family, the Cullens, if not a bunch of vampires sharing a house together? They're not an actual family and therefore as good as roommates. Not to say that you have to be blood related in order to be family...

J: You make a good point. However, my point about Twilight is that they clearly have ample money, can function in society as much or as little as they want, and choose to live together as a family. In WWDitS (I can't think of a way to make that better)...
The chore wheel strikes again.

M: I don't think you can, I think that's the best it can possibly be...

J: Anyway! In the movie, they're clearly only living together for financial reasons, they don't have modern, fancy cars or clothes, they share chores (which for some reason, the Cullens don't have) and they argue about really mundane things, with I think most other writers assume vampires have figured out by the time they've lived a few hundred years. One would hope.

M: That's a good point! I think that makes me like "double-u double-u dits" even more.

J: As it should! It's a unique take on the vampire craze, and one that's done really, really well. 

M: I agree wholeheartedly. Or heartily. I don't know. One of those. Both of those.

J: We're in perfect blogging form, guys. Happy Sunday.

M: [laughs] Brogues. They have accents.

J: I thought you said "sexes" and I was like, pretty confused. Not super confused, because I knew what you meant, but sort of worried for a minute.

"Vampires don't put towels down."
M: That explains your facial expression. I was also confused.

J: Accents! Yes! Glorious Kiwi accents, which we recently decided, despite the fantastic FotC spoof, were really different from Australian accents.

M: [nods] Definitely.

J: I'm not sure exactly how, other than "supporting the little guy" or whatever, but it seems different.

M: Oh, I have something to say about New Zealand/Australia! So, this was a few years ago. It was also a rainy day. It might have been a Sunday. I was in a hostel in London with three very obnoxious Australian men. I say men, they were like maybe 18. Anyways, they were lecturing a bunch of us on the Australian accent, the sort of, "it's not shrimps on the barbie, we call them prawns," yada yada yada, and I swear that either they told us or I inferred that... somehow I came to the conclusion that Rocko, from Rocko's Modern Life is not Australian. He's from New Zealand, and that's why he doesn't sound quite like you think he should. He doesn't sound Australian because he's not. He's from New Zealand.

J: Oh my god. Wow. I think you're right, he's always sounded a bit too... dorky? Is that a thing? To be Australian.

M: I think it's part of the show even. Part of the reason he's not a kangaroo, he's a wallaby.

J: Well that certainly holds up in FotC and even WWDitS; they're lovably, wonderfully awkward and ever-so-slightly counter-culture. They're the Canada to our America.

M: Yeah, well said.
Nick in the corner. We all have our moments.

J: I like it. That being said, I'm not 100% sure I could tell the difference if someone from New Zealand walked up to me and said something versus someone from Australia.

M: That would be a great Buzzfeed article.

J: ARE YOU LISTENING BUZZFEED. We have an idea for you that is not a moronic quiz about what your favorite pizza says about you!

M: In their defense, they did have a quiz about what vampire you were from WWDitS. 

J: They did!!! I got... Nick, I think. It wasn't a surprise.

M: I got Stu. Also not a surprise.

J: Stu's not even a vampire, guys. It makes perfect sense.

M: I am also not a vampire. We have so much in common.

J: [laughs too loud]

M: But really, we kind of do. [makes wrap-it-up signal]

J: But wait, one more thing! We're on Facebook! Check us out at We don't have much up yet, but soon ALL THAT WILL CHANGE. Stay tuned!
Tuned? Tuned! Hahaha!

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Secret Brogue

J: This is terrible.

M: I know.

[Black Dynamite plays in the background]

Saturday, March 14, 2015

What Brogue?

K: Look at me, I look lovely!

M3: You look lovely.

K: Your mom!

M3: I'm hungry.

K: Let's go get some McDs.