Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Leonardo DiBroguerio

J: And that is all the whiskey I'll be having tonight!

M: I had to spit in your sink. It was necessary.

J: In an effort to get our creative juices flowing, we starting tonight's post with both jumping jacks and whiskey shots. At this point, neither seems to have been a very good idea.

M: [head in hands]

J: [burps in a very lady-like manner] [lies]

M: Anyways! [laughs] We watched a movie.

J: That we did. It was a doozy. In our defense... nope, there's no defense.

M: Well... I mean, neither of us had seen it and it seemed like a pop culture experience that we had missed out on all these years. We were making up for lost time!

J: True story! I think what started the frenzy was the imminent release of The Great Gatsby. There was a Leo love-fest happening at Dempsey's and suddenly we realized...

M: It was a cold and rainy day... it just seemed right...

J: To watch The Beach!

Our intrepid leading trio. May they all drown on the beach.
M: I had always remembered hearing about it as Leo's major downfall. His first big miss.

J: His let-down of "titanic" proportions!

M: [laughs] That's brilliant.

J: So we finally watched The Beach, and I have to say, it was just as bad as everyone warned us it would be. I had such hope... but alas. Technically, this movie doesn't exactly count.

M: It didn't immediately trigger our brogue alert.

J: Nope. No one who thinks of The Beach think of brogue.

M: To be fair, it did end up having some brogue. There was a Scotsman and an Englishman, and they were delightful. But more importantly! The director of this wonderful film...

J: ...and the screenwriter and the author the novel...

M: ...were of the Atlantic Archipelagoan persuasion.

J: So we're good! We're good, right?

M: Um... not sure "good" is a word I would use in a reference to this film.

J: There were a couple of scenes in particular that stood out to me as being unabashedly ridiculous.

M: Some of them, however, make incredible gifs.

Françoise, looking pensive. She should.
She knows what she did.
J: We found those!

M: We had to. The world needed to have them out there. But they already were.

J: Yes? Yes.

M: This doesn't make much sense. It's okay.

J: It is, isn't it?

M: Can we, I mean since there's not a lot of brogue-ing, can we just talk about how ridiculous this movie was?

J: It was completely absurd. There were moments when I just had to throw my hands up and look exasperated. The music at times was completely at odds with the tone of the film.

M: I'm gonna go ahead and defend the music.

J: Come again?

M: I think it suited the late 90's-ness of the film. Nostalgia becomes me.

J: Or you become nostalgic.

M: Touché.

J: Also, I'm gonna be honest, the plot really didn't make much sense. I blame the author.

M: Definitely some holes there.
Don't be so beachy!

J: I had trouble telling if it was supposed to be a drama, a love story, a morality tale...

M: All of the above. Plus video games.

J: God, that was just the weirdest.

M: And baby Leo.

J: God, that was just the best. Favorite worst scene?

M: You know, all I can say is I thought it had some really serious potential. The opening monologue really gave me hope. But, it was quickly dashed. Like almost immediately. And then repeatedly throughout the film.

J: A painful dashing, to be sure. I agree that the beginning showed promise, but there were some truly over-the-top moments where the director clearly thought he was making a connection with the style of the time, or his target or something...

M: I feel like it was a 90s thing. Feigning content, humanitarianism, etc. Can I say though, I did surprisingly very much enjoy our French friend, Étienne.

Our favorite! Poor Étienne... have my babies?
J: Literally perhaps the only redeeming character who appears for longer than a few moments. There's a lot of glorious, sunlit scenery, which is nice, but doesn't quite make up for the poor choices of the characters.

M: I, for one, learned so much...

J: [raises eyebrow] [looks pointedly at M]

M: [shakes head to emphasize sarcasm]

J: I think we'll wrap it up there and just say that tonight! BWAB goes to the movies and unintentionally watches another Danny Boyle film. This time it's Trance, with James McAvoy.

M: And that's literally all we know about it. Goin' blind.

J: It's going to be an adventure! Now slam that beer!

M: May I add that we are walking to the theater? Safety first, y'all!