Thursday, November 21, 2013

St. Brogian's

J: In the Firefly universe, a companion is like a prostitute but not a prostitute. She's like a prostitute, but she's respected.

M: [laughs] [types furiously]

J: Ok, I'll type it from here.

M: That's good, because I can't spell 'companion.'

J: Oh, I thought you said 'St. Trinian's.'

M: I can spell 'St. Trinian's!'

J: Wait, am I spelling it wrong?

M: No, I think you've got it! For the record, I tried to look up St. Trinian. I don't think it's a real saint.

J: Really?!

M: really. I didn't look very hard.

J: Well I'm gonna look tomorrow. If I remember.

M: It's very important.

J: OKAY. So Meredith. Give me a brief play-by-play of your reaction while watching this... how do I say... unconventional British heist movie?

M: Well. It started off a bit like 'Princess Diaries' meets a PG-13 rating with a great deal of British campy-ness thrown in there.

Heisting art.
J: Actually, that's a pretty damn accurate description. I literally didn't know what to make of this movie when it started. Absolutely not within any realm of normality or predictability.

M: Luckily for us, however, it quickly transitioned into a genre with which we are very familiar, the British art heist.

J: Prior to beginning Blog With a Brogue, I truly had to no idea that the British valued their art so highly that they had to frequently mock the protection they bestowed upon those priceless pieces via tasteless heist movies.

M; [laughs] Indeed!

J: This is probably the third or fourth campy art heist movie we've watched within the last six months.

M: The art aspect does... shit... what's the word... does elevate the otherwise...uhh... otherwise... campy.... [laughs] I want to say illegitimate, but that' not the word... the wine is strong with this one, not that I've seen 'Star Wars'...

J: Soon to be remedied, dear readers!

M: As a disclaimer, I have seen 'Star Wars,' but I was like, 7, so it doesn't really matter.
Ms. Everett, you are just delightful.

J: Well, we're gonna watch it again. Spoilers, mother f*ckers.

M: Goodness!

J: You're right, you're right. We have a lot of younger readers.

M: Do we have any readers? Dear readers... show yourselves...

J: Naked. No, wait.

M: That escalated quickly. Wait, weren't we going to do another food drive? The holidays are coming, and BWAB cares.

J: We do! And we will! We're still working out the details (heads-up, Liberty Hall!), but we hope to be sending some more information your way soon regarding a much-anticipated 'Star Wars' and/or other Christmas movie watch-a-thon and food drive.

M: Yes. All details forthcoming in good time.

J: So let's think about 'St. Trinian's' just for a moment more. The brogues were actually pretty thick in a  number of places. The English captions were on when we started in, and we soon realized why.

M: While Rupert Everett was surely the star of the... film, I guess... I certainly missed more than a phrase or two here and there. His posh...

J: Brit-speak, or whatever...

Oh hello Mr. Self. You're very... dashing...
M: Yes! Exactly that. And can we talk about similarities between Colin Firth and Bill Self?

J: I was BLOWN AWAY when you said that, because ohmigosh, it's so true. As you said earlier, they have the same effortless air of superiority...

M: All while maintaining an intense likability.

J: Intense. It's true.

M: God, he even winked. Like involuntarily.

J: One of the funnier moments in this mild train-wreck of a movie.

Oh hey, Colin. Watcha thinkin' about?
M: But it had such legitimate talent, Colin Firth and Mr. Everett and so many other people that we spent the entire movie trying to determine how else we knew them... from what we knew them... damn.

J: Like Stephen Frye! He's an amazing philosopher and actor, and there he was, playing a bit part in the campy girl-school art-heist daddy-issues cross-dressing flick that is St. Trinian's.

M: That's perfect.

J: But back to Colin Firth! This movie had numerous not-so-subtle but still-hilarious references to Colin Firth's turn in 'Pride and Prejudice'. For anyone who hasn't seen the six-hour BBC production, I highly recommend watching before or without watching 'St. Trinian's.'

M: I, personally, would like to watch said six-hour adaptation whilst participating in a certain drinking game that I have heard talk of. Just sayin'. Call me.

J: It's a commitment. But it's worth it. Granted, I only made it through the first half before I fell asleep, so obviously, my work is ahead of me, too.

Thank god for you, Stephen.
M: That being said, what's next for BWAB? Where will we go from here? [giggles into wine glass]

J: Well, there is a sequel to 'St. Trinian's'...

M: Oh, jesus.

J: He won't be with us during the next viewing.

M: Who?

J: Jesus.

M: [wheezes] Can we watch 'Music From Another Room Again'? Oh, sh*t, I think Jude Law's in that! Oh, does he do an American accent? No, I think he's British in it!

J: Yeah, because imagine the way he says 'afterbirth'!

M: [dies laughing on the couch] God, you're so right! [laughs] That's brilliant! This is how I know you're a genius. [continues laughing hysterically] Oh, jesus, which is apparently my go-to, wine-drunk phrase. My apologies.

J: Bottom line, this movie was weird, unrealistic, confusing, cheesy, predictably, and...

M: Art-heisty...

J: I was going to say star-studded, but that's fine.

M: Ah. [laughs]

J: It's worth a watch....

M: Is it?

J: Ahh, good point. I was going say if you have nothing better going on...

M: And happen to have a blog about brogues in movies... [dies laughing on the couch again] I can't breathe. Oh my god. Okay. I'm crying. I'm getting a tissue. [continues laughing]

J: [can't type]

M: Ah! Hmm.

J: We found this movie by chance at Hastings, which seemed so fortuitous at the time, but now doesn't seem so awesome.

M: It was a preview for some other move we watched. Maybe 'Wild Target'. [Meredith experiences a brief moment of clarity.]

J: I think you might be right! May wonders never cease. In any case, this movie was silly, and we didn't love it, but it wasn't as bad as 'Paul'. Also, it had Colin Firth and two different genders of Rupert Everett.

M: Well said. It really needed a Spice Girls reunion to tie it all together.
Wait wait, Russell Brand was in this movie?!

J: Totally. Okay, final questions. Should we try to find the sequel?

M: I vote nay.

J: Aww. Really?

M: I mean...

J: Yeah. Okay. There's another pair of campy British school movies that are actually holiday-themed! We'll try to find those.

M: Uh. Really?

J: Yeah! 'Nativity'! With Martin Freeman and David Tennant!

M: 'Nativity'?! Well I like them!

J: Stay tuned, everyone for our next post, which might have Martin Freeman, David Tenannt, or possibly 'Star Wars' as its theme!

M: Or afterbirth!

J: You just never know around here. BWAB out!

Thursday, November 7, 2013


J: It's like, arugula, but...

M: You should start with that.

J: Done! Welcome back to Blog With a Brogue! We're very pleased tonight to welcome a special guest blogger, my darling sister, Katie. Why don't you say a few words about yourself?

M: You should put her initials as K with an 8 or K with a T.

K: Or K D.

J: It's just K guys. There's no one else here.


K: But I'm the special guest...

M: This is why we can't have more guests.

K: I bring a medical professional's knowledge to my evaluation of the content.

M: That's actually relevant to this show! Like, why does JRM have that scar on his stomach?

K: Sure as f*ck don't know.

M: And why is that lady bleeding from her mouth?

K: She cut it? Eugh, lots of pressure.

J: She's really great, guys. A big, warm, BWAB welcome to my sister Katie! So, Meredith and Kate, tell me a tiny bit about what we watched tonight!

M: Oh, well apparently everyone else thought we were watching Sleepy Hollow.
Definitely not Sleepy Hollow...

K: I did go into it thinking, why is there a vampire in Sleepy Hollow?


J: But really, we watched the pilot of the new NBC show Dracula...

M: [laughs]

K: [laughs] I think I might puke!

M: Now you have to come back! It's not a blog post 'till we end up crying.

J: SO DRACULA! Meredith had already seen it, but was kind enough to watch it again. Her descriptions of the brogues... and the plot, I suppose... encouraged me to want to check it out. Mere, who are your favorite characters so far?

M: Um, my favorite character by far is the not-Dracula other-young-guy, whose name I can never remember, but he writes for a newspaper and Dracula quickly takes a shining to him.

K: [whispers] Is it Neville Longbottom? [burps] I'm feeling gassy!

We repeat: That is NOT Neville Longbottom from the popular
Harry Potter series. Neither is that Justin Long, the American actor.
M: Yes.

J: [nods]

M: To be clear, he's not actually Neville, but allegedly he looks like him.

K: It's like they wanted him, but couldn't get him.

M: To be fair, Katie also thinks they wanted Justin Long for Dracula.

K: In which case, you wouldn't be writing about the show.

J: There's also a Kiera Knightly wanna-be, who also...

K: Had the baby with the girl from Twilight, who is the girl...

M: Rosalie!

K: Yeah, that's the one!

M: There's also Edith's not-husband from Downton Abbey.
The mysterious Mina and not-Knightly.

J: Best. Show. Ever.

M: To be fair... I really do think it's pretty decent! I really expected it to just be god-awful, but it's quite watchable!

J: You're not wrong. We made fun of this show for months, literally since Mere heard it was coming out, maybe a year ago. We're shocked as you are that this show might actually be worth watching.

M: And, it's worth noting that it is a mini-series, which is, as we discussed earlier, unfortunately rare here in the States.

J: Here, here! Or hear, hear...

M: Or there, there...

K: There, there...

J: Now that we're all consoled, tell me about JRM's brogue. Because I know you have a lot to say. That's Jonathan Rhys Meyers for you noobs out there.

M: Um, I daresay he's come a long way since 6 Souls. His American accent is not spot-on...

K: But it's not supposed to be!
Who is that other guy, anyway?

M: Exactly. It works well because he's supposed to be a British person posing as American. Well actually, he's supposed to be from Romania, so I don't know where he's getting the British thing from...

J: A very good point! My favorite part about the show so far is how intricate the plot is after just one episode. I found myself asking questions trying to keep up and looking forward to the next installment of this ridiculous vampire fix.

K: [silence]

M: [silence] [shrugs] On the topic of brogues, the not-Dracula other-young-guy...

K: Neville Longbottom?

M: Not-Neville-Longbottom!

K: The one who's in cahoots?

M: Yes! He has an excellent brogue. What did I say earlier? "Off the chain"?  For the record, I meant off the charts.

J: The record will show "off the chain".

M: So where are we?

J: Where are we?

M: "Katie drops loud bottle. Everyone screams."

K: Well there's too many of them!

J: That's how you know it's a good post.

M: Did we say anything?

J: Do either of you have anything to add?

K: Are we gonna talk about Tits McGee and her controversial clothing for the era?

Tits McGee and her McGees.
M: [laughs] That took me a minute! I was like "who's Tits McGee?" Then I thought about it...

K: And you figured it out! She's on vacation...

J: That's my twitter bio!

M: [dies laughing] [wheezes] "She's on vacation!"

J: She had a lot of boobs.

K: That she did.

M: That makes it sound like something...

K: Like multiple boobs...

M: Not like just... this got complicated.

K: This got real weird.

J: Maybe we should wrap it up. And the boobs.

K: All of them.

J: So if you want to watch some weird, not-quite-right brogue and/or characters we think look like other people, plus lots of boobs, check out Dracula.

M: [can't breathe] It's really great.

K: [laughing] Oh, wow.

M: Whew.

K: I feel like "lots of boobs" is misleading...

J: Yeah but when you get there...

M: You'll know.

J: Till next time!
Tha-tha-tha-that's all folks!