Saturday, April 27, 2013

The Bad Mother's Brogue

M: Is this a good idea?

J: We're grown-ups and we're at home...

M: [laughs hysterically] Grown-ups? [continues hysterics] We need an adult!

J: [growls] WE NEED TO BLOG!

M: I love this song! It's like I made this playlist...
*Not written by R-Pattz

J: ... And welcome back to Blog with a Brogue! We've got cider, brownies, puffed cheese products, and gluten-free beer. And a movie to talk about! We watched this one awhile ago and returned it to Liberty Hall as soon as we could. It was that good. And by good I mean bad. Like, really bad. Embarrassingly bad.

M: It's so embarrassing...

J: Seriously. So what was the worst part of... uh...

M: I can't remember if it was The Bad Mother's Handbook and the Bad was crossed out to say Good, or the opposite. It was that good.

J: Google tells me that it's The Good Mother's Handbook, but Good was crossed out to say Bad. Google also tells me that it was a "one-off television drama". Our first mistake.

M: [laughs silently] [laughs out loud] [weeps for humanity]

J: So we picked this movie because we couldn't find the German movie we were looking for (hey, it featured Dan Stevens, and we were going through a Matthew Crawley withdrawal) or the 2013 release featuring Tom Branson (chauffer to the Crawley family - we've already talked about Downton, okay?).

M: Our friend Laura just reminded me recently that we have also not yet found the otter movie.

J: What the hell is that called again? Ring of Light?

M: It's always fun to try and remember. A Ring of Bright Light. No, Bright Water. Clear Water. It's one of those. "Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur..."

J: Did you just...?

M: It just sounded right!

J: SO THE MOVIE WE WATCHED... it also featured Robert Pattinson.


J: And Catherine Tate, who was Donna, a companion on the Dr. Who series.

M: What exactly is a "companion"? Is this another blog post for another time?

J: Well, for Firefly fans, a companion is just what you're thinking.

M: A dog.

J: No. Wrong. I take it back.
The infamous hair. And the rainbow sweater.
Together, for a limited time only.

M: Weren't we going to talk about R-Pattz?

J: His hair! Always his goddamn hair.

M: It's such a treat.

J: [laughs] Do go on!

M: It's nothing compared to his incredible sweater. I mean really, that thing is good.

J: Can we even write a blog post without an Anchorman reference?

M: Do you even have to ask?

J: Fair. So the gist of this movie is that single mom Catherine Tate...

M: The companion.

J: [shakes head]

M: Interjections. It's what I do.

J: So Catherine Tate tries to raise her daughter to be a smart, successful, well-adjusted student.
It's a family affair. No one's really happy about it.

M: Blah-blah-blah-blah

J: Yes, basically. She responds by getting pregnant with an absolute tool.

M: He's terrible!

J: He really is. In any case, Catherine doesn't handle it well, and proceeds to alienate her daughter for the duration of the pregnancy.

M: And everyone else!

J: Yes. Enter R-Pattz as the completely awkward, socially inept but rich faux-boyfriend.

M: God, I just...

J: There's really nothing else to say. It's awful. It doesn't get better and it doesn't end with anything other than a cheap excuse for a happy ending.

M: Oh god, it's so bad.

J: There's an engagement and...

M: Well don't give it away!

J: Oh, because they're really going to watch it now.

M: How could they not?

J: In any case, we don't really recommend this movie, particularly because the copy from Lib Hall (sorry guys) skips real bad.

M: That's putting it lightly. BUT! We do love you madly, Liberty Hall.

J: Truth. It was still entertaining to see Catherine Tate again, even though she was a self-absorbed awful excuse for a mother, daughter, etc.

M: Hahaha etc. Companion.

J: Okay, I think I walked into that one.

M: [laughs]

J: Anything redeeming about this movie? The brogues, perhaps?

M: Hmm... yes I suppose they were British. No, they were from somewhere interesting. Wasn't just your typical run-of-the-mill London business. Bolton? I think they were from Bolton.

J: Oh I have no idea. Oh man, the puke music.

M: [dies] God, I forgot about the puke music!

J: So you have that to look forward to. Yes, the music was phenomenally bad. And repetitive, and completely inappropriate for almost every scene.

M: [stops breathing]

J: We really didn't like this one, guys.

M: Oh god, it hurts!

J: I'm going to go eat another brownie now.

M: [takes a drink]

J: Hopefully we'll have something better for you next time. I think this is the part where we ask for suggestions, because clearly we're doing really well.

M: I thought you were going to say "a new low". As in, "This is a new low."

J: Thanks for reading, folks. Any last words?

M: So much pressure! No, I think we said it all.

J: See you soon!