Saturday, April 27, 2013

The Bad Mother's Brogue

M: Is this a good idea?

J: We're grown-ups and we're at home...

M: [laughs hysterically] Grown-ups? [continues hysterics] We need an adult!

J: [growls] WE NEED TO BLOG!

M: I love this song! It's like I made this playlist...
*Not written by R-Pattz

J: ... And welcome back to Blog with a Brogue! We've got cider, brownies, puffed cheese products, and gluten-free beer. And a movie to talk about! We watched this one awhile ago and returned it to Liberty Hall as soon as we could. It was that good. And by good I mean bad. Like, really bad. Embarrassingly bad.

M: It's so embarrassing...

J: Seriously. So what was the worst part of... uh...

M: I can't remember if it was The Bad Mother's Handbook and the Bad was crossed out to say Good, or the opposite. It was that good.

J: Google tells me that it's The Good Mother's Handbook, but Good was crossed out to say Bad. Google also tells me that it was a "one-off television drama". Our first mistake.

M: [laughs silently] [laughs out loud] [weeps for humanity]

J: So we picked this movie because we couldn't find the German movie we were looking for (hey, it featured Dan Stevens, and we were going through a Matthew Crawley withdrawal) or the 2013 release featuring Tom Branson (chauffer to the Crawley family - we've already talked about Downton, okay?).

M: Our friend Laura just reminded me recently that we have also not yet found the otter movie.

J: What the hell is that called again? Ring of Light?

M: It's always fun to try and remember. A Ring of Bright Light. No, Bright Water. Clear Water. It's one of those. "Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur..."

J: Did you just...?

M: It just sounded right!

J: SO THE MOVIE WE WATCHED... it also featured Robert Pattinson.


J: And Catherine Tate, who was Donna, a companion on the Dr. Who series.

M: What exactly is a "companion"? Is this another blog post for another time?

J: Well, for Firefly fans, a companion is just what you're thinking.

M: A dog.

J: No. Wrong. I take it back.
The infamous hair. And the rainbow sweater.
Together, for a limited time only.

M: Weren't we going to talk about R-Pattz?

J: His hair! Always his goddamn hair.

M: It's such a treat.

J: [laughs] Do go on!

M: It's nothing compared to his incredible sweater. I mean really, that thing is good.

J: Can we even write a blog post without an Anchorman reference?

M: Do you even have to ask?

J: Fair. So the gist of this movie is that single mom Catherine Tate...

M: The companion.

J: [shakes head]

M: Interjections. It's what I do.

J: So Catherine Tate tries to raise her daughter to be a smart, successful, well-adjusted student.
It's a family affair. No one's really happy about it.

M: Blah-blah-blah-blah

J: Yes, basically. She responds by getting pregnant with an absolute tool.

M: He's terrible!

J: He really is. In any case, Catherine doesn't handle it well, and proceeds to alienate her daughter for the duration of the pregnancy.

M: And everyone else!

J: Yes. Enter R-Pattz as the completely awkward, socially inept but rich faux-boyfriend.

M: God, I just...

J: There's really nothing else to say. It's awful. It doesn't get better and it doesn't end with anything other than a cheap excuse for a happy ending.

M: Oh god, it's so bad.

J: There's an engagement and...

M: Well don't give it away!

J: Oh, because they're really going to watch it now.

M: How could they not?

J: In any case, we don't really recommend this movie, particularly because the copy from Lib Hall (sorry guys) skips real bad.

M: That's putting it lightly. BUT! We do love you madly, Liberty Hall.

J: Truth. It was still entertaining to see Catherine Tate again, even though she was a self-absorbed awful excuse for a mother, daughter, etc.

M: Hahaha etc. Companion.

J: Okay, I think I walked into that one.

M: [laughs]

J: Anything redeeming about this movie? The brogues, perhaps?

M: Hmm... yes I suppose they were British. No, they were from somewhere interesting. Wasn't just your typical run-of-the-mill London business. Bolton? I think they were from Bolton.

J: Oh I have no idea. Oh man, the puke music.

M: [dies] God, I forgot about the puke music!

J: So you have that to look forward to. Yes, the music was phenomenally bad. And repetitive, and completely inappropriate for almost every scene.

M: [stops breathing]

J: We really didn't like this one, guys.

M: Oh god, it hurts!

J: I'm going to go eat another brownie now.

M: [takes a drink]

J: Hopefully we'll have something better for you next time. I think this is the part where we ask for suggestions, because clearly we're doing really well.

M: I thought you were going to say "a new low". As in, "This is a new low."

J: Thanks for reading, folks. Any last words?

M: So much pressure! No, I think we said it all.

J: See you soon!


  1. This is amazing. I feel like the worse the movie is, the better your blog posts are. (Like all artists, you have to suffer for your art.) So I'm now officially keeping an eye out for the worst British/Irish/Scottish movie I can find. Just. For. You. :D

  2. I can't tell you how happy this makes me.