Monday, September 30, 2013

6 Brogues

J: For how bad this movie is, we've already found a treasure trove of photos.

M: [laughs] We have a lot.

J: We do. But first! Before anything else! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LIZ MOTHER-F*CKING STUEWE!

M: She's really great.

J: Last week Meredith and I watched 6 Souls, which was evidently first titled Shelter.

M: Unlike Liz, it was less than great.

J: It had such potential. A dark, dramatic psychological thriller with our boy, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers and classic red-head Julianne Moore... Unfortunately, the execution was not what it should have been. In fact, the genre was not what it should have been.

M: No! It went from, as you said, psychological thriller, and descended very quickly into, as you said when we were watching it, a "devil movie."

J: I was pretty disappointed. I mean, if you're gonna do a crazy Appalachia voo-doo movie, just call it like it is and make it awesome. If you want to play with Dissociative Identity Disorder, there's a whole movie there and then some.

M: And if you're going to try to do a movie where one of the main character has to run through a number of different accents, you should probably hire a professional to aid them in attaining such accents for as long as a scene requires. But, that being said, I still have nothing but love for JRM.

J: What was it Julianne Moore said in an interview about the movie? That he "tried really hard"?

Work. Harder.
M: I think it was in the present tense of, "Johnny was trying so hard" or something to that effect.

J: [internets]

M: [laughs] Internets. Verb.

J: They'll understand. SUCCESS! The quote is, "Oh my gosh. It was fun. Jonny worked so hard." 

M: She said dejectedly, and without feeling.

J: He really did, and oh boy, did it show. His accents were inconsistent at best, at times appearing to be Australian, Southern, Bostonian, his native Irish, you name it, he went there.

M: I hate to be so unkind, but it's true.

Yes, she's yelling at me again.
J: So the movie wandered around from genre to genre, and JRM's accent meandered around the globe. The plot itself was well-intentioned, but couldn't survive the confusing setting it found itself in.

M: [nods] It really had such potential. It's a shame.

J: Very true. My most vivid memory is of Matt pouring himself glass after glass of red wine, trying to get through the movie with us. If only we remembered his quotes...

M: Ah, yeah. His recreations of the accents alone made the film worth watching.

J: So the bottom line is that we recommend the movie, but only if you can have a drunk Matt in the room with you.

M: [nods again] Mine is not for rent or any other use... I don't really know where I'm going with that. Find your own Matt, I guess.

J: There's plenty of 'em out there. I'm doing my best, currently.

[breathes heavily]
"Come on, Jonny, not again. The scene ended five minutes ago."
M: Any closing thoughts? Did we already do that?
J: No! And yes. 

M: [laughs] I don't understand.

J: I just want to say that I really like voo-doo movies. The Skeleton Key was amazing.

M: I wanted to see that! That's with Kate Hudson!

J: It's so seriously creepy, and it also plays on the idea of belief as an evil deterrent. And it's done really well. I wish that this movie...

M: Was also done really well?

J: Well yes, but mostly I wish that this movie had picked a genre and stuck with it. It had potential either way, but definitely not enough screen time or plot to make it believable as either. 
They both worked pretty hard, actually.

M: It didn't even give me nightmares, which, I mean, doesn't take much.

J: She cries at commercials, folks. I've seen it happen.

M: I did nearly fall out of my seat at that one moment.

J: Right, it has its moments.

M: Its cheap thrills...

J: But not much more. Good try, Jonny. And Julianne. And [insert director's name here].

M: [laughs] I hope people really call him Jonny. 'Cause really, his name is way too long.

J: That's what she said.

M: The end.
Heeeeeere's Jonny!

Brogue Effects

M: Wow, Lativa totally dropped off... we'll always have Malaysia.

J: For those of you wondering, we had some fans in some rather... unconventional places. They must have moved.

M: Now of course by "fans," we mean whatever weird, electronic thing that visits blogs to confuse people.

J: Their only purpose: confusion. The masses will never be safe.

M: It's clearly working.

J: Dammit, you're right. [sips delicious drink]

M: It smells so good, I can smell it from here.

J: Spiked cider ladies and gentlemen, courtesy of, of course, The Bourgeois Pig. Because why would we blog anywhere else?

M: I mean... I could come up with reasons, but frankly I don't want to. Clearly the movie was really fascinating.

J: So it's been awhile since we watched Side Effects, and the truth is that we didn't like it very much in the first place. Dark, disturbing, someone dies, it's awful.

M: Spoiler! It was also quite light in its broguery as well. That's... that's not a word, but I like it.

J: Me too. It stays.

M: Did I tell you when I searched for blogs about brogues, a vast majority of them were actually about shoes? Like a lot.

Mr. Law, er, Banks, in action.
J: BWAB: Breaking stereotypes one visit at a time. This movie made it to Blog With A Brogue only because of Jude Law, who we hadn't really seen in awhile.

M: ...

J: Comments on Jude Law, Meredith?

M: [laughs] Umm...

J: His character perhaps?

M: I liked his character.

J: There we go!

M: I liked his character very much. I appreciated his profession and his professionalism, as well as his philosophy, which guided him through his profession.

Guess who dies.
J: For those of you now wondering, Jude Law plays a psychiatrist.

M: It makes it sound like I didn't even watch the movie.

J: I have proof you did. No I don't, but we'll pretend.

M: It's your word against mine, really, which is not unlike the situation Mr. Law finds himself in in Side Effects!

J: And the point for most unintentional transition ever goes to my esteemed co-writer.

M: I was hoping to be a colleague.

It's not her.
J: That can be arranged. In any case, the movie focuses on a seemingly disturbed young woman, who, under the influence of a experimental new anti-depression drug ends up murdering someone close to her. She then turns to Jude Law, her psychiatrist...

M: [laughs] Jude Law - not the character - actually Jude Law.

J: Okay [checks internet] His name is Dr. Jonathan Banks.

M: That was his name?

J: Yeah, I didn't remember.

M: Clearly not important.
Trouble in paradise.

J: Nope. In any case, he comes under fire for prescribing the drug and allowing the side effects to get out of control. The rest of the movie is a twisted unraveling of stories and claims.

M: And Catherine Zeta-Jones.

J: I hadn't seen her in anything in ages, and she does quite a good job as a rival psychiatrist.

M: Is she British?

J: No?

M: She's got a real funky accent. Like when she says the word "anything," she's got a real funky "ehni-thin'" going on.

J: [checks internet] She's Welsh!

M: I am so proud of myself right now. I would have guessed that she was... not Welsh... But see? We are learning!
Happier times.

J: We are! I have absolutely confidence in the fact that you would have never noticed her funky accent had we not been blogging about ridiculous movies for the past two years.

M: Honestly, of all words, the word "anything," seems to have become a dead giveaway to me. I just like it.

J: This is going way better than expected, given that we barely remember the movie.

M: You should just type that.

J: BOOM. So we have two broguers on our side for this one! Go, Wales!

M: Well, any closing thoughts?

J: Would you recommend this movie to anyone?

M: No, not really. It wasn't terrible, certainly watchable, remotely interesting, Jude Law is still lovely.

J: As is Channing Tatum, but really, there's absolutely nothing feel-good here, except maybe some dirty vindication.

M: Yep.

J: Bottom line... uh... I don't really have a bottom line. Brogue Effects, does that work?

M: It's better than Side Brogues.

J: Boobs.

"You're Welsh."
"Thank you."

Sunday, September 1, 2013

The Brogue's End

M: But not really!

J: No, this is not, in fact, the end of Blog With a Brogue, no matter how much you may want it to be.

M: Can I just say, that the title of this blog post made me think of that Doors song where he says "this is the end," which made me remember that there is a different Doors song in this movie, and it really kind of made the movie for me. [laughs] It was nice.

J: Really? What song? I obviously have no memory nor knowledge of Doors songs, in the movie or otherwise.

M: Normally, I dislike the Doors. I think it was just the setting and the context that were perfect in the film. Anyways, it's called... uhhahhh... something about a whiskey bar. Show me the way to the next whiskey bar.

J: Oh, this! I remember this! This was awesome! Was this when they were doing the pouring scenes?

M: No, this was when they were all walking arm in arm!

J: Ohhhh yeah, that was soooo good!

M: And there's even a lyric in there about "don't ask why..." or "we must die..." It was all very fitting!

J: BWAB, now with soundtracks!

Yuk yuk yuk! I'm driving on the wrong side!
M: We should tell them the title. It's actually called "Alabama Song." I think.

J: Confirmed. The movie's title is, perhaps obviously, perhaps not, The World's End. The last in an unofficial trio by Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, and...

M: Director, Edgar Wright.

J: Oh, good job!

M: The "Cornetto" trio.

J: Ohhh yeah, 'cause of the shape! (It's ice cream cones.)

M: Yeeeah, something cornucopia!

J: And trumpets... But anyway! We actually did a bit of research before seeing this movie.

M: We did?!

J: All those articles! That counts!

M: Ohhh, we did! It was very insightful.

J: It really was. The history of the three of them, and where they were in life when the previous two movies were made... it provided a much-needed background story to the movie, in my opinion. Because honestly, I didn't find this as funny as I wanted to, especially not in the context of their previous movies (Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz).

M: Oh my god. I have so many things to say right now. First of all, with regard to the articles, fascinating. I loved hearing about their individual backgrounds, how they came to be friends, how they got - at all - from point A to point B. Fascinating, and entertaining, and witty. Secondly, oh my god Hot Fuzz. There are no words to describe how entertained I am by that film.

J: Was that it?

M: Um... um, yes. I think Nick Frost might be my spirit animal.  But otherwise, that's it.

J: We actually came to this revelation after reading the above-mentioned articles. Previously, we'd both assumed, due to Simon Pegg and Meredith's natural ginger state, that they...

M: [laughs] That I might grow up to be Simon Pegg.

 Scotchy scotch scotch.
Here it goes down. Down into my belly.
J: Exactly. But turns out, we were being racist. The truth is that I have much more in common with Simon Pegg than Meredith, and similarly for Meredith and Nick Frost. Don't worry, we're still growing up to be hilarious British men.

M: Still on track.

J: Which is the best that can be said of my life thus far.

M: [laughs] So, what else should we say about this film?

J: It made me immediately want to drink.

M: [laughs] From a glass!

J: And a tap. I believe I went straight to the liquor store on the way home and bought beer. The truth about the movie, though, is that the main character wasn't entirely likable, which, for me, colored the tone of the film in a negative way.

M: Absolutely. He had very brief redeeming moments...
You're out of order. Your mom's out of order.

J: The monologue at the end was brilliant.

M: [nods] But there was just not enough to really sell me on the guy. I really did, though, love the relationships and the history of the main quintet.

J: Very true. That, I believe, was the main point of the movie - the ways people change after many years and significant life events have passed, and they ways they haven't.

M: Yes. And how people deal with "falling outs" with close friends.

J: Precisely. It's a slightly uncomfortable movie, perhaps because we can all relate to those things, even if we can't relate to blue-blooded robots taking over the Earth.

M: Have we said too much?

J: You're right, they're not robots.

M: [laughs] Basically, what I want to say, is that the trilogy, as a whole, is fantastic. This film particularly was lovely, but it was not the ending I would have hoped for. Regardless, I mean, I don't know. I want to say that it only failed to live up to my standards because the other two are so good, particularly Hot Fuzz.

J: Of course.

M: But! All the same, it does feel like closure. And it is a lovely film.

J: I laughed out loud repeatedly. And loudly. In a movie theater crowded with people.

M: During a matinee, even!

J: It's true, their reputation for making a good film was evident.

M: This was the first of their films I'd even seen in a theater.

J: Very good point. It could be that the advertisers really knew what they were doing, but on the other hand, this was a fully British movie that premiered in America to excellent crowds, which speaks volumes for the kind of work these men are able to do.

M: Oh, god, except for Paul. I hate to even bring it up, but...

J: No, I had to say something too. Something about having Wright as the director really makes a difference. More than I thought possible. Well, and I bet Simon Pegg didn't write Paul.

M: No, I bet he didn't.

J: Also, the main female character in this otherwise male-driven movie, is none other than Jane Bingley from the Kiera Knightly version of Pride and Prejudice. Took me ages to figure that out.

M: She's gotta be in something else... she looks so familiar. In any case, she was fantastic, and I read some rumor about her being cast as the lead in the film adaptation of Gone Girl, which would rock.

J: I cannot wait to see that movie. It's gonna be good. Rosamund Pike! Check her out.

M: I think that's about all I got.

J: Seriously, me too. I loved Martin Freeman, of course, and...

M: The other two... I can't think of their names. So familiar, and yet... "those British guys."

J: Exactly. Well folks, I think it's time to leave you for the night. We're about to watch a new movie called Side Effects that only counts because...


J: There it is. And with no further adieu... BWAB out!

M: [applauds gently]

The end!