Under the Brogue

J: So apparently the end of this film was a departure from the book.

M: Huh.

J: According to the article I read, the guy gave props for the visuals but was like, "But we didn't know what was going on, ever."

M: Like, "Hey director, great job with the pretty pictures, but maybe do documentaries in the future. Nature pics. Maybe stick to facts."

J: Precisely. So. Blog With a Brogue went to the movies again.

M: Worst. Idea. Ever.

J: In effect, BWAB made a terrible mistake.

[Meredith returns with two Moscow Mules, ten-minute discussion about Russia ensues]

M: You know, I think I'd really like to go to St. Petersburg.

J: I've heard good things. So do you want to do our opener? Our third opener?

M: [silence]

J: [sighs] Do you want to say something about the movie?

M: Yes. I feel like I really gave this movie a chance. I gave it the benefit of the doubt, right from the get-go. It started off kind of interesting, and then after everything was said and done, I just... it's not even that I'm disappointed. It's just that I don't even care. At all.

J: This movie is getting actual award buzz. I'm shocked.

M: That being said, there really were some amazing pictures. It was really beautiful at times, and I loved the really, sort of, candid driving scenes. It seemed natural and intriguing, which made the let-down of the film itself that much worse.

J: I totally agree. I was willing, maybe through the first half, to believe that the film was going to resolve itself somehow, to give us some reason for having witnessed such odd, confusing scenes. But it didn't. It just ended.

M: It did.

No Scotch for you.

J: I do want to give you props for even suggesting this movie, which I wanted to see based on the tag-line I read online, something something science fiction voluptuous temptress, etc.

M: All I read was alien, something across the Scottish countryside. That was literally all I knew.

J: I didn't even know Scarlett Johansson was in it. And I almost take offense at the term voluptuous. It seemed unnecessary, except to attract the type of attendee who just wanted to see someone naked in public.

M: It wasn't all a loss, though. We did both instantly recognize the kid from the Scotch movie (The Angel's Share), and he was probably my favorite character in the whole movie.

J: Yeah! No... I liked the guy who took her in, who tried to give her a chance at normalcy. It wasn't his fault she had no idea what female anatomy was.

M: Spoiler alert!

J: It's a great scene. You should really not check it out.

M: And the brogues. We've got to talk about the brogues. I could not understand a good 80% of the dialogue in this film due to the brogue.

ScarJo reaches rural Scotland.

J: What little dialogue there was! It was mostly silence, creepy violin music, and nakedness. Every once in awhile someone would talk. And that someone was usually Scottish. And it was more or less impossible to follow.

M: Did ScarJo kind of do an accent?

J: She did a British accent.

M: It wasn't distracting, which is saying a lot.

J: Doesn't she do that one in a different movie? Not Match Point, but...

M: I love Match Point.

J: Was she in Closer?

M: No, that was Natalie Portman and Julia Roberts. Also love that movie. Can we watch a Clive Owen movie?

J: Then I'm not sure what I'm thinking of, but I know she's done it before. In any case, she was the only one you could understand, but she's the only person whose actions didn't make sense.

M: Exactly. Only verbally.

But... but what?

J: Oh! The motorcycle guys!

M: Who the hell were they?

J: Right?! Another mystery.

M: One of many.

J: I just wanted to know more. I kept thinking that it was like modern art. Totally incomprehensible unless you know the backstory. Once you do, it's sort of brilliant, but until that point, it's just a toilet.

M: Way to elevate BWAB! [polite applause]

J: I do what I can.

M: I had like, two more things I wanted to say. Oh, one. Though he's well on the way, Glazer (the director) is no Terrance Malick. And second. Secondly. [shrugs] I would really like to go to Scotland, like a lot. It looks amazing.

J: It was certainly one of the best parts of my study abroad experience, and I would love to go back. The scenery is unbelievable.

Swooshy trees. And ScarJo.

M: Exactly. The pictures were beautiful. It's not like it was poorly directed, it's just.... To go back to Malick, with something like the Tree of Life, it is abstract and maybe a bit meandering, but you have enough storyline and themes. It's like a very beautiful open-ended question. It's thought-provoking. You get something out of it. Not so much with this one.

J: I love that. And having not seen any Terrance Malick, I sort of understand now what Glazer was probably trying to go for. But he didn't give us nearly enough context. All the main themes that were presented, empathy, coming of age, sexual assault, etc., they're not new. And this take didn't bring anything new to them. Just because she's an alien doesn't mean she's teaching us anything about what it is to be human. And isn't that what aliens are for in fiction?

M: An excellent point. And, I mean, I don't know if he's really going for something Malick-esque, that's just something that it reminded me of, with my limited knowledge of cinema. Did I tell you that I saw Close Encounters of the Third Kind just this week?

J: I don't think I've ever seen it.

M: Really?!

J: Yeah.

M: It's pretty good. It's kind of hokey. It's Spielberg. I probably would have loved it as as child.

Such orange. So face.

J: I think I started it on Netflix once and didn't get very far.

M: It's like E.T. for adults.

J: I bet he woke up one morning and thought, "You know what I should do..."

M: But it was before E.T.

J: Damn.

M: It's the vodka talking.

J: The other way around then.

M: [laughs]

J: So the moral of this post is...

M: That E.T. is a great movie.

J: And that should you stumble across a beautiful woman driving a giant white van, under no circumstances should you take your clothes off.

M: Ugh. That movie.

ScarJo phone home.

Broguescendence

M: It looked pretty comfortable.

M2: That's irrelevant.

J: Cat jokes aside, we're here to blog!

M: [laughs] Oh, context.

J: So last week we went and saw a new movie called Transcendence starring Johnny Depp. It was our second attempt at BWAB goes to the movies (see, or maybe don't: Trance) and I can't say that we did any better this time around.

M: [shakes head] I think it was the closest that I've come to falling asleep in a movie theater since the first Transformers movie. I think I had a sinus infection then. In any case, it leads me to believe that I should not try to watch films that start with "trans."

J: Not a bad conclusion, all things considered. I actually stayed awake and alert for this one (may or may not have teared up at the end), but I didn't necessarily think that it was a movie worth paying for.

M: No.

M2: Johnny Depp is crying somewhere.

J: Given his young girlfriend and impressive salary, I rather think not.

M: I have to say, I feel mostly to blame for us having gone to see this... [struggles] film.

I'm doing great, motherf*ckers!

J: No no, it was a great idea and it had lots of potential. I thought the premise was really intelligent and timely, given how much we all use the internet nowadays.

M: [nods] But the real draw, at least for this blog, was the potential for brogue, also known as "Brogue Alert."

J: Hey Mom!

M: Right. Um. So Cillian Murphy. Cillian Murphy's in this movie.

M2: And he's a twat.

J: Not so much a twat, but totally unimpressive in this role, for which he uses an American accent.

M2: [laughs] Sorry, sounds like every other movie he's been in.

M: I'm not sure you've been invited to blog this time.

M2: It's at my house assholes!

M: "Our" house.

M2: When you're talking about Cillian Murphy it becomes my house. You're going to leave me for the Irishman.

Transcended. And/or the undead. We're not sure.

J: This nonviolent domestic dispute brought to you by House of Ginger and Blog With a Brogue. The movie also featured Paul Bettany in a leading role, and I thought he was brilliant. He's one of those actors who can blend into a role while maintaining his unique personality.

M: Isn't he a ginger?

J: [nods] Yes. He was also perhaps the only redeemable character in the film, for me.

M: What about the House of Cards chick? The leader of la revolución?

J: I meeeean, I think by the end you realize she's redeemable, but throughout most of the movie, she seems to be on the wrong side. It was frustrating to watch.

M: [nods]

J: [drinks beer]

M: I feel like... we're really... we're really getting away from why we watched this movie. The reason for this blog.

J: Are we talking about Cillian Murphy again?

M: Yes.

J: Is this the Cillian Murphy blog?

Paul Bettany gets serious with some rebels. Ow-ow.

M: [laughs] I mean... [trails off]

J: Well. This is news to me.

M: Brogues! I was talking about brogues, which is misleading in this film, as he was so expertly cast as an American FBI agent [heavy sarcasm].

J: It was truly an odd role for him, and I can't imagine why he took it. The character could have been played by literally any guy or gal with any acting experience at all. Perhaps even by someone without it. Hell, Meredith, you could have done that.

M: [laughs] What are you implying?

J: I didn't see you in the musical in high school.

M: I was in a different musical in high school at a different high school! There are photos and witnesses...

J: I stand corrected.

M: Anyways... I really did not love this film.

J: The blog can tell.

M: I thought the script was often... what's the word...

J: Contrived?

M: Yes. Extremely.

"You're no Tim Robbins..."

J: This movie took itself VERY seriously, as though it were warning America about the perils of artificial intelligence. As if the majority of those movies didn't already come out a decade ago.

M: We've all seen Terminator.

J: I was thinking of AI and I, Robot as well.

M: What's that other one that Matt made me watch... Blade Runner?

M2: Yeah, there's androids, replicants...

J: Seriously, it's been done. The only thing this one had going for it was a powerful love story which, while believable for me, nevertheless made the movie into something of a paltry science fiction joke.

M: I thought you said...

J: Are you gonna say poultry?

M: [nods] [laughs] And I was really confused.

J: There is no poultry in this movie.

M: I mean... I think there was? Weren't there chickens? I think there were chickens. I seem to remember that.

J: Ladies and gentleman, Blog With a Brogue once again setting the standard for movies with chickens.

M: But seriously, speaking of brogues, as this is a blog about brogues...

The gang's all here!

J: Let's bring that home one more time. BROGUES, everyone.

M: It's worth noting to this blogger that Mr. Murphy's American accent has improved significantly. At least so far as I can tell. So there's that.

J: We have that going for us, which is nice.

M: Have you even seen Caddyshack?

J: It's a meme...

M: Well that's what that's from.

J: I did notice his accent was really believable, in that I couldn't believe what a lame role he was playing.

M: [laughs]

J: Let's wrap this up.

M: Okay. So how 'bout next time we watch something better?

J: Or way, way worse. None of this weird in-between stuff.

M: Fair enough.

J: BWAB, signing out.

M: Or is it signing off?

J: Whatever.