J: Have YOU ever been on safari?M: Of course not!
J: Apparently it's a normal thing for British people. "This is pretty cool cycling. It's rather like going on a nature safari. ... I'm going to get into trouble for being the world's worst baboon patrolman."
M: So... if you've not heard of it yet, which we had not until a week or two ago, there is a show called The Wine Show. It's about wine. Sometimes.
J: Today it's about baboons.
M: Apparently.
J: So we were planning to blog about all of these interesting, feature-length films about important people and whatnot... yeah I don't remember now, but then Mere suggested The Wine Show, partly because (okay mostly because) Matthew Goode and Matthew Rhys are the hosts... "hosts"... and I figured sure! Why not?
M: Well I'll tell you why not. But no really, it's incredibly entertaining, sometimes intentionally, other times... ah... I'm at a loss for words.
J: I've tried to explain this to several people so far, including the cashier at the liquor store earlier this evening, but no one can ever fully understand the farce that is The Wine Show without watching it.
M: I feel like the title in general really shows you what the thought process was behind this show.
J: So not very much.
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| I'm controlling you... with my EYES... |
M: [laughs] And yet! Again, quite entertaining.
J: To make a long blog post longer, The Wine Show is largely about two celebrities named Matthew in a villa in Italy learning about (and drinking lots of) wine from a sommelier who has one of the creepiest face stares/eyes I have ever seen.
M: They are so big...
J: The show is built into four major segments. The initial education, the wine bachelor, the chef special, and the lady who's usually in Australia.
M: I think we need to talk more about the wine bachelor, just to clarify.
J: I forgot the gadget segment!
M: The James Bond/Obi-wine Kenobi segment.
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| Gadgets for everyone! |
M: Right. So. They are tasked with going to various Italian locales and selecting a wine to represent the "spirit" of that region, at which point the man with the scary eyes picks the best one and places it in a velvet box [dies laughing].
J: Oh my god, this is real life. That's exactly what happens. And Matthew Goode always wins.
M: So far, yes.
J: We've only seen 3 episodes so far.
M: That's a box of aromas! "Here's a wheel of aromas!"
J: This show, I swear. The first episode we watched I half expected it to be a total joke. It's that ridiculous and earnest and poorly, what, scripted? Edited? Directed? What's going on here? The premise, clearly, has nothing wrong with it... [laughs]
M: There are few moments in the show more entertaining when we get the... what do you call it... when they suddenly do the speaking directly to the camera.
J: Breaking the 4th wall?
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| Why are you watching this!? |
M: Yes, more or less! Very abruptly. [laughs] There's another box of aromas! Is this a sommelier thing?
J: I daresay it is. The thing is, the scary-eyes guy frequently looks at the camera during his segments, but the Matthews almost never do. Except when they do. Abruptly. And so far, it's only Matthew Goode.
M: I think Matthew Rhys did it once in the last episode. Not that I'm keeping track. Also, as this is a blog without brogues, can we please talk about the fact that when they do the voice-over narration, I cannot hardly distinguish between the Matthews.
J: It's true! I expected a much stronger Welsh accent from Matthew Rhys, but they sound almost identical. Maybe he was raised somewhere else, I don't know. Either way, the Britishisms are iconic.
M: Outstanding.
J: "Well knock me down with a feather!"
[Matthew Rhys looks directly at the camera]
M: See! The fact that Matthew Rhys constantly suggests having a nice ale instead and/or sarcastically speaking into the camera makes me think, uh, the show was not his idea.
J: I completely agree. He seems drawn in reluctantly at best...
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| Oooooh I'm winning! |
M: ... by Matthew Goode and his jean shorts... his endless supply of jean shorts. And hats.
J: The fact that Matthew Goode is winning the wine bachelor cannot help with that.
M: It's true.
J: All that said, we have learned a little bit about wine so far, and I'd love to try some of the more interesting ones that the feature on the show.
M: The interviews with the chefs and the... what do you call a wine-maker?
J: Uh, something something vineyard...
M: Grape-smasher...
J: Yeah that person...
M: Fermenter. Grape fermenter. Anyways, those interviews have been very interesting.
J: They have! I like the chef input, too. At first we thought this might be a lot like The Trip, but mostly it's just...
M: A lot of... [makes wine swirling motion]
J: They do it ALL the time! Something about aeration and oxygen and...
M: And it looks cool.
J: I mean, we're doing it now.
M: Yes. Watching this show makes you want to do that and just drink a lot of wine in general. Also you never see them spit out wine or hesitate to drink all of the wine...
J: True! There are actually funny quips about how excited they are to have multiple glasses or to try lots of different kinds... we've been lucky to have bottles of rose available at both viewings thus far.
M: I think it's imperative to have wine available whilst viewing this show.
J: The only shame is that we're watching it after its conclusion. Apparently they were very active on...
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| We are friends! |
M: The "sosh meeds."
J: Things just got serious. We're getting in touch with some Catholics. At the Vatican.
M: Is he wearing shorts... surely not at the Vatican. He's wearing shorts at the Vatican! Jesus, Matthew Goode.
J: Jesus, indeed!
M: Also I would like so many gifs from this show.
J: Every other scene is perfection in silly, endearing, earnest facial expressions. Wait, that dude is legit American.
M: Yes. At the Vatican. I mean, the Vatican is its own country.
J: Turns out he's been there for 18 months. And is a Jesuit. So surely communion wine, even in the Vatican, is not good.
M: It hasn't been, in my experience. Very vinegar-y.
J: And weirdly sweet?
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| Wrap it up, girls. |
J: Wow, I've never noticed the priest in the back seat in these promos!
M: [sings monastery songs] PANTS.
J: I think we should wrap this up.
M: I said pants because Matthew Goode is in a monastery and he's finally wearing pants. Also, I just want to throw in that they refer to each other as "Goodey" and "Rhysy" because that's just great.
J: HARRY POTTER REFERENCE.
M: Did they really!? I missed it. I mean, I'm not surprised.
J: Reference to Hogwarts.
M: Also, I feel like we should take this opportunity to link to Fakers, our previous reference to Matthew Rhys. I feel like we've linked to Match Point far too many times... so...
J: I typed it, I'm linking it.
M: Fair enough.
J: In conclusion, I highly recommend watching The Wine Show if you like wine, British celebrities, or anyone named Matthew.
M: Samesies.
J: BWAB out!
