Trance

J: You better stop this before another episode (Portlandia) gets started, or else we're never gonna blog. Turns out, blogging at House of Ginger is more difficult that I assumed.

M: You're still distracting us.

J: Maybe Matt should just participate.

Matt: Let's watch Pulp Fiction!

J: What's Star Trek I?

Matt: Uh, it's got like, uh....

J: We need to talk about Trance!

Matt: Trance!!

J: He's previously been referenced as M2.

M2: I don't know how to feel about that. Do you even know how to type? Sounds like you're just smashing keys over there.

M: Anyways...

J: What did you think about Trance?

M: Frankly, I spent a lot of energy trying to forget it.

J: Touche! Personally, I thought the idea was interesting, the concept of hypnosis, intriguing. But the movie itself was too dramatic for my tastes. It took itself too seriously. And whenever I saw Rosario Dawson, all I could think of was Rent. There it is! 

M2: (searching Youtube) Star Trek, the Original Motion Picture,  in 10 Minutes! This has gotta be good.

J: This is fantastic!

M2: That's the dad from 7th Heaven!

M: Oh my god, it is!

M2: What are they wearing?! ...There's like a God-thing in this one. They like talk to a 'cloud' for like an hour.

M: Seriously, I highly recommend looking this up on Youtube, folks. Guys, we need to focus!

J: No, this is only 10 minutes!

M2 & J: (digress in to deep conversation about Dune)

J: That was my first introduction to James McAvoy! Children of Dune. I was obsessed. It was December 3rd...

M2: Whoa...

J: No, I remember. It was December 3rd when it premiered. 2003, I think. It was a Sci-Fi original. 

M: Wow, guys.

M2: Dune's pretty sweet. I think we should watch Dune.

J: OH, CAN WE PLEASE?! Someone has an accent in that, right?

M2: Picard is in that, right?

J: It's on Netflix!

M: Are we seriously watching a Wrath of Khan trailer right now?

J: Yes

M2: That's Khan.

M: I like the new Khan better...

J: Definitely. If I had been a teenager in the 80s...

M: Gotta say I like the new Kirk better, too...

J: Like a lot.

M: You guys are full of spoilers by the way.

M2: We gotta start Dune! Sting is in Dune..

J: It is so good. The book is so good!

M2: It's really weird. It's got the mayor from Portlandia in it!  (searches for Dune on Netflix) Sexual Chronicles of a French Family?!

M: Wow. That's seriously what comes up if you search for Dune. I'm so confused right now...

J: Frank Herbert's Dune? I swear it used to be on here.

M: I feel like I'm just recording our conversations now for posterity...I have like, a page of stuff and we have NOT talked about Trance yet. I'm just sayin'...

(everyone still talking about Dune....)

M2: It's a movie you gotta talk about...

M: Man, we gotta get 'Chatty-Matty' outta here...

J: Was there anything particularly memorable for you about Trance?

M2: All the nudity...

J: No, there was no nudity...

M: (looks incredulously)

J: Ohh, yes there was...

M: It's kinda traumatizing just to hear you explain the plot to Matt...

J: I'm like, just now remembering everything...

M: Did you try to repress it all, too? 

J: Biblically smooth...

M: Best. Description. Ever. That's really all you need to know about Trance...

J: (laughes) I just drooled...or spat on myself.

M2: This movie sounds gawd-awful...

M: In our defense, we went in to this movie completely blind.

J: What happens at the end?

M: (stares, mouth agape) Uh, at the end, without ruining things for our faithful audience, there's a lot of fire and suspense and awful. 

J: Ohhhhh.....

Our general consensus on Trance.

Leonardo DiBroguerio

J: And that is all the whiskey I'll be having tonight!

M: I had to spit in your sink. It was necessary.

J: In an effort to get our creative juices flowing, we starting tonight's post with both jumping jacks and whiskey shots. At this point, neither seems to have been a very good idea.

M: [head in hands]

J: [burps in a very lady-like manner] [lies]

M: Anyways! [laughs] We watched a movie.

J: That we did. It was a doozy. In our defense... nope, there's no defense.

M: Well... I mean, neither of us had seen it and it seemed like a pop culture experience that we had missed out on all these years. We were making up for lost time!

J: True story! I think what started the frenzy was the imminent release of The Great Gatsby. There was a Leo love-fest happening at Dempsey's and suddenly we realized...

M: It was a cold and rainy day... it just seemed right...

J: To watch The Beach!

Our intrepid leading trio. May they all drown on the beach.

M: I had always remembered hearing about it as Leo's major downfall. His first big miss.

J: His let-down of "titanic" proportions!

M: [laughs] That's brilliant.

J: So we finally watched The Beach, and I have to say, it was just as bad as everyone warned us it would be. I had such hope... but alas. Technically, this movie doesn't exactly count.

M: It didn't immediately trigger our brogue alert.

J: Nope. No one who thinks of The Beach think of brogue.

M: To be fair, it did end up having some brogue. There was a Scotsman and an Englishman, and they were delightful. But more importantly! The director of this wonderful film...

J: ...and the screenwriter and the author the novel...

M: ...were of the Atlantic Archipelagoan persuasion.

J: So we're good! We're good, right?

M: Um... not sure "good" is a word I would use in a reference to this film.

J: There were a couple of scenes in particular that stood out to me as being unabashedly ridiculous.

M: Some of them, however, make incredible gifs.

Françoise, looking pensive. She should.
She knows what she did.

J: We found those!

M: We had to. The world needed to have them out there. But they already were.

J: Yes? Yes.

M: This doesn't make much sense. It's okay.

J: It is, isn't it?

M: Can we, I mean since there's not a lot of brogue-ing, can we just talk about how ridiculous this movie was?

J: It was completely absurd. There were moments when I just had to throw my hands up and look exasperated. The music at times was completely at odds with the tone of the film.

M: I'm gonna go ahead and defend the music.

J: Come again?

M: I think it suited the late 90's-ness of the film. Nostalgia becomes me.

J: Or you become nostalgic.

M: Touché.

J: Also, I'm gonna be honest, the plot really didn't make much sense. I blame the author.

M: Definitely some holes there.

Don't be so beachy!

J: I had trouble telling if it was supposed to be a drama, a love story, a morality tale...

M: All of the above. Plus video games.

J: God, that was just the weirdest.

M: And baby Leo.

J: God, that was just the best. Favorite worst scene?

M: You know, all I can say is I thought it had some really serious potential. The opening monologue really gave me hope. But, it was quickly dashed. Like almost immediately. And then repeatedly throughout the film.

J: A painful dashing, to be sure. I agree that the beginning showed promise, but there were some truly over-the-top moments where the director clearly thought he was making a connection with the style of the time, or his target or something...

M: I feel like it was a 90s thing. Feigning content, humanitarianism, etc. Can I say though, I did surprisingly very much enjoy our French friend, Étienne.

Our favorite! Poor Étienne... have my babies?

J: Literally perhaps the only redeeming character who appears for longer than a few moments. There's a lot of glorious, sunlit scenery, which is nice, but doesn't quite make up for the poor choices of the characters.

M: I, for one, learned so much...

J: [raises eyebrow] [looks pointedly at M]

M: [shakes head to emphasize sarcasm]

J: I think we'll wrap it up there and just say that tonight! BWAB goes to the movies and unintentionally watches another Danny Boyle film. This time it's Trance, with James McAvoy.

M: And that's literally all we know about it. Goin' blind.

J: It's going to be an adventure! Now slam that beer!

M: May I add that we are walking to the theater? Safety first, y'all!

The Bad Mother's Brogue

M: Is this a good idea?

J: We're grown-ups and we're at home...

M: [laughs hysterically] Grown-ups? [continues hysterics] We need an adult!

J: [growls] WE NEED TO BLOG!

M: I love this song! It's like I made this playlist...

*Not written by R-Pattz

J: ... And welcome back to Blog with a Brogue! We've got cider, brownies, puffed cheese products, and gluten-free beer. And a movie to talk about! We watched this one awhile ago and returned it to Liberty Hall as soon as we could. It was that good. And by good I mean bad. Like, really bad. Embarrassingly bad.

M: It's so embarrassing...

J: Seriously. So what was the worst part of... uh...

M: I can't remember if it was The Bad Mother's Handbook and the Bad was crossed out to say Good, or the opposite. It was that good.

J: Google tells me that it's The Good Mother's Handbook, but Good was crossed out to say Bad. Google also tells me that it was a "one-off television drama". Our first mistake.

M: [laughs silently] [laughs out loud] [weeps for humanity]

J: So we picked this movie because we couldn't find the German movie we were looking for (hey, it featured Dan Stevens, and we were going through a Matthew Crawley withdrawal) or the 2013 release featuring Tom Branson (chauffer to the Crawley family - we've already talked about Downton, okay?).

M: Our friend Laura just reminded me recently that we have also not yet found the otter movie.

J: What the hell is that called again? Ring of Light?

M: It's always fun to try and remember. A Ring of Bright Light. No, Bright Water. Clear Water. It's one of those. "Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur..."

J: Did you just...?

M: It just sounded right!

J: SO THE MOVIE WE WATCHED... it also featured Robert Pattinson.

M: R-PATTZ!

J: And Catherine Tate, who was Donna, a companion on the Dr. Who series.

M: What exactly is a "companion"? Is this another blog post for another time?

J: Well, for Firefly fans, a companion is just what you're thinking.

M: A dog.

J: No. Wrong. I take it back.

The infamous hair. And the rainbow sweater.
Together, for a limited time only.

M: Weren't we going to talk about R-Pattz?

J: His hair! Always his goddamn hair.

M: It's such a treat.

J: [laughs] Do go on!

M: It's nothing compared to his incredible sweater. I mean really, that thing is good.

J: Can we even write a blog post without an Anchorman reference?

M: Do you even have to ask?

J: Fair. So the gist of this movie is that single mom Catherine Tate...

M: The companion.

J: [shakes head]

M: Interjections. It's what I do.

J: So Catherine Tate tries to raise her daughter to be a smart, successful, well-adjusted student.

It's a family affair. No one's really happy about it.

M: Blah-blah-blah-blah

J: Yes, basically. She responds by getting pregnant with an absolute tool.

M: He's terrible!

J: He really is. In any case, Catherine doesn't handle it well, and proceeds to alienate her daughter for the duration of the pregnancy.

M: And everyone else!

J: Yes. Enter R-Pattz as the completely awkward, socially inept but rich faux-boyfriend.

M: God, I just...

J: There's really nothing else to say. It's awful. It doesn't get better and it doesn't end with anything other than a cheap excuse for a happy ending.

M: Oh god, it's so bad.

J: There's an engagement and...

M: Well don't give it away!

J: Oh, because they're really going to watch it now.

M: How could they not?

J: In any case, we don't really recommend this movie, particularly because the copy from Lib Hall (sorry guys) skips real bad.

M: That's putting it lightly. BUT! We do love you madly, Liberty Hall.

J: Truth. It was still entertaining to see Catherine Tate again, even though she was a self-absorbed awful excuse for a mother, daughter, etc.

M: Hahaha etc. Companion.

J: Okay, I think I walked into that one.

M: [laughs]

J: Anything redeeming about this movie? The brogues, perhaps?

M: Hmm... yes I suppose they were British. No, they were from somewhere interesting. Wasn't just your typical run-of-the-mill London business. Bolton? I think they were from Bolton.

J: Oh I have no idea. Oh man, the puke music.

M: [dies] God, I forgot about the puke music!

J: So you have that to look forward to. Yes, the music was phenomenally bad. And repetitive, and completely inappropriate for almost every scene.

M: [stops breathing]

J: We really didn't like this one, guys.

M: Oh god, it hurts!

J: I'm going to go eat another brownie now.

M: [takes a drink]

J: Hopefully we'll have something better for you next time. I think this is the part where we ask for suggestions, because clearly we're doing really well.

M: I thought you were going to say "a new low". As in, "This is a new low."

J: Thanks for reading, folks. Any last words?

M: So much pressure! No, I think we said it all.

J: See you soon!

The Awakening

M: Alright. So we watched The Awakening. And it was terrifying, and really, really sad.

J: Super sad. There were ghosts and dead people and murder scenes and frightening children and shotguns and mega, mega brogue. In fact, I have to be honest and say this movie was recommended by my parents via a system that they now call "Brogue Alert". I'm pretty sure they just think the blog is called "Brogue Alert" at this point.

M: [silent laughter]

J: It wasn't that silent. Anyway, in lieu of an actual post, because we've been drinking and eating strawberry frosting-covered rice krispy treats...

M: So. Much. Sugar. Sweet, panda-shaped sugar.

J: ... we're just going to leave you with this. May it haunt your dreams forever and ever.

M: [whispers dramatically] Foreverrrrrr.

The Inbebroguers

J: Do you wanna do this now?

M: I think we should.

J: I was gonna say, I'm pretty tipsy...

M: "Conditions are favorable!"

J: [laughs] Truer words, my friends... in any case...

M: Yes, go on!

J: That is, you're right. Tonight we watched, at Meredith's suggestion (and largely due to the fact that Liberty Hall, though we love them, did not have the otter movie), a delightful British comedy called The Inbetweeners.

M: Did you just italicize that with your mind?

Meredith's favorite. Simon. Looking pensive.
And gelled.

J: It's on the keyboard, silly!

M: I'm so impressed.

J: So tell me, Meredith, what first brought you to The Inbetweeners?

M: Well, I suppose it was a combination of spare time and rampant Netflix suggestion.

J: Go on...

M: [laughs] Well, I finally gave in to Netflix and literally ended up watching the first two seasons in a matter of two days, I think. Two evenings. A matter of hours.

J: I'll say that I just made Meredith go through the first three episodes because I could hardly bear to stop watching. What is it then, that's so appealing about this male-driven view of British adolescence?

M: For one thing, it's quite clever, I think. The banter and the asides and the lingo [Jenna nods] is, well, hysterical, for one. It's raunchy and at times downright distasteful and just plain hilarious, as well as seemingly believable.

Jenna's favorite, Will. Looking pompous.

J: That's very true. I feel like I knew the American counterparts to these boys, at least from a distance. You're quickly endeared to the main character, whose mum has been left by his dad and he's forced to start at a new high school

M: A public high school, no less. A "comprehensive school," whatever that means.

J: Right!? There was so many subtle British-isms, I often had to do a double-take of sorts.

M: I certainly caught more the second time around.

J: The phrasing, as far as brogue goes, was simply fantastic.

M: God, the character Simon, his inflection... he's like a tiny Hugh Grant.

J: It's so true! He sounds like this brilliant, witty grown-up caught in a high schooler's body.

M: That being said, 17-year old Meredith would have followed him like a sad lost puppy. Stupid gel hair and all.

The boys in uniform. No, not that kind.

J: Hey, gel was still cool when we were 17. Also, I was thinking of Will more than Simon there. Will's the one who, for all his juvenile faults, manages to make the comedy relatable.

M: I think they make swearing a thing of art. I wish I had a recording of Simon saying "fuck off." That would come in handy. It's beautiful.

J: So sincere, so emphatic.

M: [laughs] It is. It's glorious! [clears throat]

Clearly an awkward promo shot. "Off duty."

J: In any case, I highly recommend this to anyone who's a fan of British comedies, and anyone who remembers 17.

M: Well said. Hear, hear!

J: Anything else you'd like add about our new British friends?

M: Frankly, I hope they put more seasons on Netflix soon. I also hear that they've made a movie and I'm almost convinced that it might be worth it to track it down. We'll see!

J: Not another VHS purchase, surely. This is 2013 after all.

M: [trails off] It's so good...

For Wales!

M:  Because I'm ill and couch-bound, and because Jenna said I could, here follows my small tribute to the great country of Wales.

By which, of course, I just mean a rambling, photo-laden blog post about Little Joe Allen! Frankly, the man could use some good 'press' at the moment...

Who is Little Joe Allen, you ask? Allow me to enlighten you!

According to Liverpoolfc.com:

little Little Joe Allen, making his debut at Swansea

Born in the Welsh town of Carmarthen, [Joe] Allen spent his childhood growing up on the coast in Fishguard, Pembrokeshire.... 

Mmm, Fishguard. Anyways, he now plays midfield for the famed Liverpool FC, after he was acquired from Swansea City for a reported £15 million at the start of the 2012 season. More importantly:

Joe is among the one in five Welsh citizens who speak the native language, known as Cymraeg, and can be included in the 10 per cent who are able to converse fluently in the traditional dialect.

Proof? You betcha!! This is a blog about brogues and such, after all. At minute 1:25, we hear from young Joe Allen in the video below. And while I myself don't speak Cymraeg, I'm willing to bet that, "so, um, yeah," is an authentic phrase...



Yr Iaith Cymraeg - 'Beth Yw Pwynt?' from Spill Media on Vimeo.

Watch for a moment more and hear Mr. Matthew Rhys, star of the film Fakers, at minute 1:37!

Ok, so he can definitely chat Cymraeg with the best of them, but what about footballing? I'm glad you asked. Liverpoolfc.com goes on to brag:

HA!

Allen can boast an impressive set of statistics from the last Barclays Premier League season. The midfielder completed 91 per cent of his passes for Swansea, a higher rate than Barcelona and Spain star Andres Iniesta, and created a chance for a teammate once every 63 minutes, providing four assists. Joe also made 110 tackles, the third-highest in the division.

Now, I'll concede that his first season with Liverpool (just his second year in the Premier League) has not been without its share of setbacks, but I think anyone would agree that holding your ground in the Premier League while standing only 5'6" tall is no small feat!

Sr. Nando vs. Joe

In any case, the untimely injury of Lucas Leiva this season surely put quite a kink in the Liverpool lineup straight from the get-go. I'm quite confident things will soon turn around for Mr. Allen and the 'Pool, however.

Because they must. Because they could sooo make it back in to Champions League.

But honestly, I'll still keep watching and cheering them on either way, because professional football/soccer is incredibly addictive. Like, alarmingly so.

Speaking of, I'm off to watch the replay of Liverpool's FA Cup match from this morning. Until next time, I leave you with these little gems of the lovely Welshman, Joe Allen:

Little Joe dreams big!

Melting the hearts of the competition...

Representing Team GB @ London 2012

Little Joe in the Big City. 

The Joes say 'Bye!" for now.
(God, I miss Joe Cole...)

Broguers

J: So what was this movie called again?

M: [laughs] Fakers! I only remember because it was a terrible title. And I only figured out why it was the title hours after I watched it.

J: I just remember the awkward British pound sign in the text of the title. Didn't make much sense.

M: Mmhmm. That happened.

J: So long story short, we watched this delightful movie...

M: Because it had a Welsh person in it. And we were strapped for time. And we didn't do any research. We're so sorry Wales. [laughs] Our apologies!

J: I'm afraid it's true. This all occurred nearly a month ago, and I don't even want to tell you how long I left the movie sitting on my DVD player (Liberty Hall, you can have my firstborn). Do you remember, simply speaking, what it's about?

M: [sitting on the floor] Unfortunately, yes! I recall with quite, quite clarity? That's not what I want to say. [coughs] 'Scuse me. I recall, quite clearly, that it was about an unfortunate dude in a bad way who needed cash fast.

J: [sings] If you need cash now! Also, this guy was Welsh!

M: He sure was!

J: But not in the movie.

The whole group, hanging out. Cheers! 

M: No, not really. I mean, maybe he sounded a little different than your average Brit. In any case, they try to forge some Italian sketchings from an odd Rob Pattinson look-alike.

J: Who's they, Meredith?

M: [laughs] [buries face in couch] The Welsh guy! And his not-girlfriend! They and not-Rob-Pattinson try to pass off these "sketchings" and you can guess how well that goes. Did I leave anything out?

J: Actually, it goes pretty well right at the start, but as with most heist movies, things start to sour before too long. It's odd but fun little flick...

M: I thought you were going to say "romp". It's what they always say on the covers.

J: Romp it is!

Not-girlfriend and Welsh guy.

M: Or a caper or something...

J: It's a romping caper through downtown London...

M: Was it London? It was I think.... I think I remember some London things in the background... [laughs hysterically] I'm way too sober to be doing this.

J: That's what you think. London or not, the characters were mildly amusing...

M: I was gonna say abysmal, but that's not fair... I just like that word [laughs throughout] I really did like the Welsh guy!

J: We only even knew he was Welsh because you watch Parenthood.

Not-Rob-Pattinson, Welsh guy, and big jerk.

M: No! He's not in Parenthood! He's in Brothers and Sisters, which I do not watch. You watched that, right? We only knew he was Welsh because of my iPhone. That sounds kind of posh. In a bad way.

J: Yeah, but 5 points for saying posh.

M: I've been watching a lot of British television lately...

J: Sounds like something we should blog about!

M: It is indeed! Hilarious.

J: In any case, we've done Wales a disservice.

M: Can we post some more about Joe Allen? Just slip some more in about the Welshness?

J: We haven't posted anything about Joe Allen! That's something you need to do!

M: We have, we linked his name!

J: Meredith, I charge you with creating a fun and interesting, picture-filled post about Welsh Little Joe Allen.

M: Mmm, pictures. Deal!

J: And on that note, we've got to get to the Taproom.

M: For George.

J: Damn skippy.

M: I like dags.

J: What she said. Fin.

M: Perfect. Fin.